In a shocking Hollywood scandal that we’ll all remember for the rest of our lives, John Mayer accidentally took his girlfriend-ish Katy Perry out on a Valentine’s Day date. While his publicist hasn’t issued an official statement yet, we’re hearing word from their headquarters that they’ve been up all night trying to figure out the best strategy to combat the positive PR he’ll get from this move.
A source who’s asked to remain anonymous faxed me the following message late last night, “Despite years of working diligently to make John Mayer America’s biggest douchebag, he threw all our hard work in our face last by publicly being nice to Katy Perry. And to add insult to injury, he apparently showered before his date — putting our entire relationship with Greasy Hair Productz in jeopardy. To say we’re upset is an understatement.”
Then early this morning he paged me the following update, “We’re currently in talks with the PR department at Carnival to see if they’d be willing to let John Mayer take responsibility for the entire Carnival Triumph disaster. While this stunt obviously won’t fix everything, it’s a step in the right direction.”
Obviously this entire incident proves to be very concerning, especially since it came in the same week that he publicy admitted that he’s been a jerk in the past. If John Mayer isn’t our go-to greasy-haired bad boy anymore, who will we reference in stories about other greasy-haired bad boys? Sure Adam Levine hits the spot for many women, but he’s nowhere near John’s level of douchebaggery.
This is troubling, very troubling indeed.If you need me, I’ll be in my study — googling up-and-coming douchebags.
(Photo: David Tonnessen, PacificCoastNews.com)