Get out your Ouija boards and pick up your favorite seance snacks, because Dr. Seuss is speaking from beyond the grave, ya’ll. I’m no fortune teller, and I don’t remember Dr. Seuss working as a celebrity stylist when he was alive, but I do have a pretty killer sixth sense, and if you’ll join me in looking at these photos of Miley Cyrus, I think you’ll agree that she is most def his newest client.
Think back to the Miley we knew a year ago. She was dating the lady-boner-worthy Liam Hemsworth, going to Pilates, adopting dogs. She was just your average 19-year old child star millionaire with a yoga body and long flowing locks. Look at her in that picture above. It’s from February 2012, back when she was still willing to wear minimal makeup and tanks and be photographed carrying around Starbucks drinks like the rest of us normals. She was all American, a girl-next-door, squeaky clean (ish). In short, BORING. The boringest! We Americans have our pick of the famous person litter, and Miley must have started to feel her inexorable slip into obscurity beginning. People weren’t following her on Twitter! They were ignoring her Instagram pictures! This shall not pass! ATTENTION MUST BE PAID!
So she did what any starlet who wants to get back into the spotlight would do. She chopped her hair off, dyed it platinum, got engaged to Liam…and hired Dr. Seuss. And the thing about Dr. Seuss is that he’s not fucking around, you guys. He’s a ghost, so he has absolutely nothing to lose. When he takes you on as a client, you have to swear on your grave that you’ll never tell anyone he’s advising you of what to wear, so he’s never associated with a Worst Dressed List that might besmirch the good name of The Cat In The Hat. It’s like doing a deal with the devil, only edgier, with more silly rhymes.
And Dr. Seuss got right to work. Almost immediately, he had Miley showing up in wacky stripes and bold patterns, spiking her platinum hair up like a frightened Who. He’s steered clear of the green color palette that he used to favor in his earlier work dressing the Grinch and those eggs and ham, instead sticking closer to a black, white, and red concept that he made famous on previous rumored client Gwen Stefani and then honed on later clients Nicki Minaj and Katy Perry.
But whether or not you agree with his practices, you have to admit that he’s really brought Miley back into the spotlight, so let’s give this under-appreciated stylist the respect he deserves, yeah? The ghost of Dr. Seuss, everybody, coming to a stripey starlet near you.