Remember osmosis? I used to sleep with my chemistry book under my pillow hoping that the information within could seep into my brain while I slept if I kept in close enough contact with it. Well that didn’t work in middle school, but I must just have been doing it wrong, because Chris Brown is proving that it definitively does work. How is he doing that, you might ask? By forming Hollywood’s worst friendship with Adele and slowly, subtly, flaking off some of the delicious chocolate coating of perfection that I’ve surrounded her with in my brain.
Let me start from the beginning. Earlier this week, a photo was published that seemed to have captured Adele in mid-yell at Chris Brown. Hearts swelled, children smiled, birds sang, babies were born, as we Earthlings reveled in the joy that only comes when you think your idols share your views. The Glorious Great Mother Adele was smiling down upon us in all her wisdom, casting crackling thunderbolts down at the Cowering Monster Chris Brown. It was out of a fairytale. We wondered what harsh words she had for him over his assault of Rihanna and general refusal to be anything but despicable. “What must she have said? She looks so angry! Do you think she mentioned me??”
And then, just as suddenly as they appeared, our hopes were dashed against the foul rock of reality when Adele tweeted the following:
Oh god why. Why? What is there to compliment? NO. ADELE NO. COME AWAY FROM THAT LIGHT AND GET BACK IN THE RECORDING STUDIO. But she didn’t. She stayed right there with her new compliment buddy Chris Brown. They even took a picture together. And later on in this cruel world, Chris tweeted back at Adele:
PERFECT. A Twitter conversation. The beginnings of an unlikely friendship between a lovely woman and a worthless man. Just when I thought I couldn’t lose any more respect for Chris Brown, he goes and does the unimaginable — making me lose respect for Adele. Is there nothing in this world that you can’t ruin, Chris? You have to tarnish my sterling image of this beautiful songstress? Even you can’t make me dislike her, but you certainly made me love her a little less. This has gone way too far.
(Image: Christopher Polk / Getty Images)