I see you over there campaigning for an Oscar, Jessica Chastain. The Academy Awards are less than two weeks away, and it’s getting down to that time when you and me and Quvenzhané Wallis are sharpening our elbows to try to take down Jennifer Lawrence for Best Actress. (Granted, I am not currently nominated, but I suspect that that is a mistake that the Academy will likely rectify before February 24th). I’m not mad at you about it, I just want you to know that I can see you over there working on your edging-out game.
But how to accomplish said edging-out? Well in Jessica’s case, she seems to have decided to remind us that she is playing a REAL PERSON. In case you’ve been under a rock for the last twenty-five years, let me remind you that the Academy voters are obsessed with that. They love it when actors and actresses play people actually exist. Just look at Daniel Day-Lewis and Anne Hathaway, the only obvious slam-dunks this year. Daniel will win for playing real-life president Abraham Lincoln, and Anne will with for playing real-life annoying person Anne Hathaway. But Jessica wasn’t playing a real person in Zero Dark Thirty, was she? Isn’t it all shrouded in CIA-secrecy and unrevealed sources? We have no confirmation on anything, but hasn’t it been speculated that Jessica’s character Maya is a compilation of various agents tasked with locating Osama bin Laden?
All I can say is keep these details coming, Jessica, because the internet has a lot of catching up to do. Do that for me and I’ll put in a good word for you at the Academy. Just as soon as they call me to put my name on the ballot.