Continuing her lifelong pledge to sear the image of her breasts into every single human eye on the planet of earth, Lena Dunham is showing mad bra on the cover of the next Rolling Stone, bros. Baring them on a weekly basis on her HBO show Girls apparently isn’t enough (although she pledges there will, ultimately, be some boobs-free episodes at some point this season), she had to get them some cover time on a magazine, as well. But the funny thing about magazines is that they can’t print the full nip, so Lena did the next best thing and popped that bra out. Y’know, like you do.
I don’t even have an issue with breasticles, you guys. I like a nice rack as much as the next heterosexual female, but someone needs to be a pal to Lena and get her some better fitting shirts or something. It just seems like her clothes fall off at the earliest opportunity, and I think it’s really a shame that we ladies aren’t there for our sister, telling her about the spinach in her teeth or the way those horizontal stripes make her look fat, or that there are better ways to show your sweater puppies on the cover of a magazine. I’m no expert, but one piece of advice I’d give is — pretend like you knew you were getting your picture taken today. Even though this shoot was likely sprung upon you at the last minute, you are a celebrity. You can take a moment to adjust your shirt, if you want. You don’t have to try to make the decision in the car of whether you’d like to go with sleeves or sleeveless, and then decide on some combination with your bra strap on top. And Lena, never EVER — and I mean never — let them talk you into cutting off your own arm. I can see that you did it for this shoot, and that’s okay. You didn’t know any better, and you still have one left. But please don’t let it happen again. I know we don’t know each other, and you have no reason to trust my advice, but I’m trying to be a friend to you, Lena. I respect your choice to try to touch your tongue to your dead eyes, but don’t ever let a photographer amputate one of your limbs, okay? Even if your bra is in the shot.