Last night Silver Linings PlaybookÂ starÂ Bradley Cooper took home the best actor award at the Elle Style Awards — an awards show that got put together after a drunken game of award show madlibs last year.
“Name a city!” Ben Affleck yelled at the group
“London!” Someone shouted out from the back of the room.
“London it is then.” Ben said with confidence, “Now, a noun, I need a noun.”
“Silly Songbirds playing ukelele!” sang Zooey Deschanel.
“Just one noun.” Ben said more sternly.
“Style!”Â shriekedÂ Tavi Gevinson,
“Style? You know what? I like it!” Ben said again, taking notes as the crowd murmered the word style among themselves.
“B-b-but why would we call it the style awards and then give out best actor awards?”
“Shut up QuvenzhanĂ©!” Harvey Weinstein roared from the corner, “you’re lucky you even got invited to Award Show Madlibs this year.” The room quieted down immediately and the 2013 Elle Style Awards were officially happening, in London.
After the totallyÂ necessaryÂ award show wrapped up, Bradley Cooper got into a car with supermodel Suki Waterhouse and things got weird. And not just because I had to google “what is a Suki Waterhouse?”
Let’s look at this photo and then let’s talk.
Why is Bradley Cooper sitting in the front seat when his date’s sitting in the back seat? Why does he look like he’s attempting to get in a car for the first time in his entire life? Why doesn’t he go sit in the back with Suki? Even if they’re just friends, this is quite the awkward set-up.
He’ll have to spend the entire car ride yelling at her, “WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DO AGAIN SUKI? SPEAK UP, I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” And his driver will be all like, “man, do you want to go sit in the back?” And Bradley will think about it and think about how hard that seatbelt thing-y was to work theÂ firstÂ time and say, “Nah, it’s more fun to ride up here with you driverman.”
And Suki Waterhouse will look mournfully out the window. This wasn’t the way she saw her night going. Not at all. No, she remembered a time when winning best actor at the Elle Style Awards meant something to a man. Not now, not anymore.