Taylor Swift’s New ELLE Interview Makes Me Think She’s Never Listened To Her Own Music

Taylor Swift March Cover Elle

Taylor Swift is on the cover of the March 2013 issue of ELLE magazine, and she’s giving readers the chance to perfect their Scooby Doo impressions as their ears perk up upon noticing the contrast between what Taylor Swift says and what she has been doing in real life for years. Especially what her songs imply she does. It only leads me to the conclusion that Taylor Swift has never heard her own music. Either that or she is suffering from some kind of amnesia, and she thinks she’s British.

Let’s go through her strange, delusional quotes one by one, shall we?

“I don’t think I’ve ever yelled at an ex-boyfriend.  Ever.  I’m not a yeller.  I’m not a fit thrower.  If something is done, it’s done.”

Taylor is absolutely right, you guys, she doesn’t yell at her ex-boyfriends, per se. She just sings at them. Actually talking to the person you’re mad at is so last year. Don’t you know anything? And apparently when things are “done,” that means you still have to write a song about it and perform it for the rest of your life. See? Done. Side note: Is saying “ever” twice Taylor’s favorite form of sentence construction?

“To me it’s just writing songs the way I always have.  It’s me sitting on my bed feeling pain I didn’t understand, writing a song, and understanding it better. If people want to dissect the lyrics, that’s their right, but it’s all coming from the exact same place as where I started.  It’s just something I do to feel better.”

Exactly, everybody. She’s just a girl sitting on her bed pouring her heart out into a song… that millions of people will then listen to and give her money for writing. And then she will inevitably act surprised and offended when the people she wrote about have a problem with her writing about them. It’s the difference between writing a letter for catharsis and actually sending the letter to the person you’re upset at. When I’m upset at Progresso for not stocking my favorite soup at my local supermarket and I write a complaint email and accidentally send it, I’m not surprised when they reply and want to work things out. Hypothetically. And as far as dissecting the lyrics? When you break up with a guy after a few weeks and then tweet that you’re back in the studio, everyone knows you’re writing a song about him, so it’s pointless to pretend you don’t want people to try to figure out who the songs are about.

Just more daily proof that Taylor Swift has never actually met Taylor Swift.

(Photo: ELLE)

You can reach this post's author, Jill O’Rourke, on twitter.
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    • http://twitter.com/ftb1777 Michael

      Taylor knows who she is and what she does, You on the other hand only know the fiction written about her in the gossip sites like this one. But publicity is publicity good or bad.

      • Jenni

        Michael, did you read the quotes that came out of her mouth? Because she might not know who she is.

    • Jen

      She is who we thought she was…a country hillbilly who got lucky (thanks to Kanye West) and got introduced to mainstream media and now she is overexposed yet the same untalented “singer” she always was. It was amusing to see her cheer for every celebrity yet nobody even bothered to give her a proper applause after own her performance, much less a standing ovation. Actually, it was embarrassing.

    • Dave

      “Per Say”?

      Surely you mean “per se.”

      • Jill O’Rourke

        Since the pope resigned, my Latin has been suffering. Fixed it.

    • Kelly

      Can you guys please find someone new to rip on other than Taylor Swift? She’s a girl. Making millions. For writing songs that say everything girls have ever wanted to say to guys. She’s so amazing to her fans, and doesn’t act like a spoiled idiot. I’m convinced 50% of this site is Taylor hate propaganda. Every week I log on and find someone has managed to spin something she does into something terrible. You girls just sound like jealous bitches. Stahhhhhhhhhhpppppp.

      • sleepysone1995

        hey…who is the girl who is so pushy that she can’t even hold down a normal relationship?where has her common sense gone? out of her head or something? when you have so many exes..it is time to reflect on yourself,not mock them when they have many fangirls..

      • sleepysone1995

        why does every opinion come across as jealousy?it comes across as annoying after a while for those girls with no boyfriends or even had one yet..why do you girls complain why guys do not understand you at all?it is because they want it in simple form,not in form of PMS or anger

      • Jenni

        I don’t understand this comment because we’re not searching the back alleys of the Internet to find non-stories to turn into stories. She’s giving interviews almost every single week — not to mention attending and performing at award shows. Also 50% is little bit high of an estimate. It’s more like 49.5%.

    • sleepysone1995

      taylor some advice for you:Buy a fucking diary to put those thoughts into them and write songs not based off your relationships (the most girls do at taylor’s age is write emo posts,not diss their ex)

    • Train

      It seems YOU do not know who Taylor Swift is.

    • ayu

      im laughing so hard this is amazing