Keeping up with the tradition of Kourtney and Kim Take Miami being driven by really random plot lines (i.e. episode 3: breast milk theft), last night’s episode was about dragon boat racing. Miami’s annual dragon boat festival is coming up and Kim Kardashian is obsessed with it in a way that can only mean she is gonna back out later. You need seventeen people to race, so Kim calls up the Jenner fam back in California and invites them out. Bruce Jenner, Kris, Kylie, Bruce’s son, Brandon, and his wife, Leah, fly out to participate. Worth noting is the fact that Khloe Kardashian, Rob Kardashian, and Kendall Jenner were apparently all like, “Um…we aren’t flying across country to row a boat” because none of them are there.
The always entertaining Bruce gets all sassy that Kim is team captain because he’s the Olympic gold medalist and she doesn’t know how to lead. Kim attempts to prove him wrong and holds a training session in one of the hotel’s conference rooms. Scott Disick, who doesn’t want to participate anyway, gets pissed when Bruce gets too serious about rowing technique and storms out. Scott has probably done a lot of storming out in his life, but a room full of people practicing rowing by sitting on a conference table has got to be one of the silliest things anyone has ever stormed out of ever.
Scott decides to go do an appearance in Vegas to get away from this crazy family and leaves Miami with the okay from Kourtney Kardashian. Kourtney has more pressing things on her mind anyway, like “helping” her step-sister-in-law, Leah, with her “pregnancy.” More on that later.
Meanwhile, the real drama kicks in when Kim tells the family she can’t dragon boat race anymore because Kanye is coming to town and she hasn’t seen him in forever. They are like, “Are you kidding me?! We flew across the country to row a boat for you!”
This twist doesn’t go on for very long because there are more twists and we’re already halfway through the episode. So the next day, Kim has more news for the family: she can dragon boat race! Kanye’s schedule changed! Bruce tells her she’s kicked off the team and, awesomely, he does not allow her back on.
In the final twist, one that I didn’t see coming– I am not being sarcastic, I really didn’t see this coming– Kim creates her own team of random people she knows in Miami and they show up the day of the race. Hilariously typical, Kris Jenner immediately switches to Kim’s team and Bruce gives her a death stare that is even detectable through his sunglasses. Bruce is made to look like a sassy jerk and Kim is made to look like a flaky whiny-pants throughout this episode, so when the race starts it’s hard to know who they want you to root for. I root for team sassy Bruce, obviously. And they win!
Later the family has dinner and the sound editor’s choice of acoustic guitar music lets us know that everything is okay now because family is more important than winning. This dinner also brings this episode’s secondary plot line to a head. Kourtney has been convinced this whole time that Leah is pregnant because she’s been feeling sick. At dinner, Leah starts to take a sip of wine and Kourtney blurts out, “You can’t drink that!” Then the show cuts to commercial with no inkling of suspense what so ever. Are they really gonna come back from commercial and Leah’s like, “Oh. I’m totally pregnant, but I drink through my pregnancy. It’s whatevs.” No, of course she’s not. So when the show returns, she’s actually like, “Dude. I told you I just had food poisoning.” And everyone laughs and laughs because Kourtney just has a baby obsession and they all love each other! The end.