John Mayer appeared on CBS This Morning earlier today, primarily to discuss his vocal chord surgery and healing process. I, along with the rest of America, was more interested in what he had to say about his infamous toolbag interviews with Rolling Stone and Playboy back in 2010, where he offended pretty much anyone with a vagina and also all black people.
“I was a jerk,” he admitted while smirking, still coming across as a total jerk. “I was just a jerk.” Umm… yep. That about sums it up. Oh and in case you have amnesia or live under a pop culture rock of oblivion, this was after he was specifically asked about referring to his ex, Jessica Simpson, as “sexual napalm.” I bet Jessica hasn’t heard about that enough in the last two years, so CBS was kind enough to remind her along with the rest of us. Again.
I didn’t think this interview would suddenly make me love John Mayer, but I at least thought it would humanize him and make me empathetic. It didn’t. Although I will say that I can imagine having a herpes-ish growth on your vocal chords and Botox injections in the neck can’t be fun. In case any of you were wondering, the inside of our throats/vocal chord box looks EXACTLY like a pretty pink vagina. (Take that, 9th grade biology teacher who gave me a C.)
When asked why he continues to date high-profile women (Katy Perry, we’re looking at your cupcake tits), he explained that it’s hard for famous people to fly under the radar and date/relate to common folk: ”I don’t feel like I’m in a relationship with a famous person. For the first time ever, I don’t feel like I’m in a celebrity relationship.” They’re both self-admitted weirdos, so maybe those two crazy kids can make it work!
As for his gross throat growth, it’s now “practically invisible” which means John Mayer should soon be back to wearing fedoras and making his famous “I’m constipated” face while crooning once more.
To sum up the entire John Mayer interview, I think my fiance put it best this morning: “I liked him better when he was Captain Jack Sparrow.”
You can reach the author of this post on Twitter: @cassyhough.