Okay, well, this is awkward. But I don’t think Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are sexually active. At least not at the moment. Now, I’ve seen a lot of sitcoms, so I know every couple has their ups and downs, their dry spells and their kinky spells, their 50 Shades of Grey nights and their King of Queen role-playing nights. But the words that came out of their mouths today makes me think they’re in a rut.
We love each other so much,” Odom says. “And sex is fun!” adds Kardashian. “Sex is great,” Odom clarifies. “It’s on a high level. It’s intense!”
Let’s go over this: sex is fun, sex is great, sex is on a high level, it’s intense. What is this? Lost dialogue from American Pie? An excerpt from a 1996 AOL chatroom where someone advises a kid on how to sound like he had sex? It just doesn’t sound real to me. And Khloe’s the realest Kardashian I know. So alert the authorities that things are at an extra-fake level in the Kardashian household right now.
Although must say that I love that Lamar has to clarify what Khloe means when she says “sex is fun.” I can just hear him being all like, ”It’s not fun Khloe, it’s not an afternoon playing skeeball at Chuck E. Cheese. It’s great! Like frosted flakes! Or like those afternoons where you mom’s so busy whoring out Kendall and Kylie that she forgets to call us and berate us for not being seen in public holding hands today!”
Now just like Lamar, let me clarify that I’m not trying to say they’ve never had sex. But rather that they’re currently taking a second honeymoon in Struggle City and they’re trying a little too hard to convince us otherwise. High level sex isn’t even a thing. And yes, I checked that out on Urban Dictionary.
Soooo Khlo, Lamar. It’s okay to be taking a sexatus (sex hiatus, thoughts?), just be honest with us about it. I mean, we talked about periods together last week. The least you can do is keep me updated on your sex life.
(Photo: Hall/Pena, PacificCoastNews.com)