Everyone hates Ashton Kutcher, right? That’s a thing now. At least it is for me. I’m not sure when it started, but I do know that by the time he starred in Cheaper by the Dozen in 2003 I was so over him. Is it a coincidence that he started dating Demi Moore that same year? Probably not. I think before that I still found him attainable. Why? I’m not sure. I hadn’t even begun to approach puberty at that point and I hadn’t ever been within 500 miles of him. But I thought maybe I’d run into him one day and I’d trick him into dating me. Stranger things have happened in Celebrityland, so I couldn’t rule a chaste affair with Kelso out.
But the tables turned ten years ago on that affair fantasy and I’ve been on Team Anti-Ashton ever since. However today is his 35th birthday, so I thought we could discuss 35 reasons we should be nicer to him. Then I realized 35 is a big number. So I changed it to “some” reasons. So let’s begin with our vague-numbered list of reasons we should stop making fun of him. At least for today. Tomorrow’s a whole other story.
Reason #2: He’s dating Mila Kunis. I love Mila Kunis. Therefore mathematic laws say I must love Ashton Kutcher. Also, there’s always something magical about a TV couple dating in real life. While I never obsessed over them on That ’70s Show, I still appreciate what their relationship is doing for their hardcore fans right now.
Reason #3: He makes profitable movies. They’re rarely critically-acclaimed films that shoot to the top of the Oscars contender list. But they’re enjoyable. I did laugh aloud during Just Married. And I did have serious late-night convos in high school about the meaning behind The Butterfly Effect.
Reason #4: He produced Punk’d, a hilarious reality show that I actually loved watching. When it premiered all the way back in 2003, we didn’t have as much access to celebrities as we have now. There was no Twitter or Facebook or Instagram, so we only got to seem them being themselves when Us Weekly caught them acting just like us. Therefore getting to see them on Punk’d, freaking out on camera and messing with their friends was 50 shades of awesome.
Reason #5: He runs Katalyst, a successful production company that thrives on telling stories in a creative way. And he launched it in 2000. Keep in mind, that’s the same year he starred in Dude, Where’s My Car. I’m not telling you that to show that’s he multi-talented. But more to show you that he’s not as dumb as he looks. Who knew that he was launching a company during the same year he starred in a stoner flick? I didn’t.
Reason #6: He starred in the jOBS as the legendary Apple founder Steve Jobs. Even though his performance is getting mixed reviews (43% on Rotten Tomatoes), he still got cast in an incredible role that most actors with his IMDB profile couldn’t dream of even auditioning for in a million years. How did he pull that off? I don’t know, but he did.
Reason #7: He reached one million Twitter followers before any other human being alive. That’s crazy considering that people like most human beings a lot more than they like him. But he’s so new-media savvy that he did it! And he did it in 2009. Sure a lot of people had Twitter back then, but it still wasn’t the biggest thing in the world. Think back to 2009? Did you have Twitter? Did your friends? You probably can’t answer yes to both of those. So Ashton reaching one million followers is nothing short of a miracle.
Reason #8: He proved that Charlie Sheen’s totally replaceable when he took over for him in Two and a Half Men. While I have nothing nice to say about the actual show, I can say that it’s nice to see that it’s still doing well with Ashton starring in it now. If only because it proves that Charlie Sheen needed that show a lot more than it needed him. In your face Charlie Sheen.
Reason #9: He is very good looking. At the end of the day, he has a nice face that I like staring at sometimes. So there’s that.