The scenario: you’re at the library, just minding your own business, when a flash of yellow bisects your peripheral vision. You look around, searching for the source of this exciting energy, and suddenly you see her: popular country-pop crossover star Taylor Swift!
Or rather, not Taylor Swift, but someone just as beautiful, and probably less likely to put your personal problems into a hit song everyone will hear. Someone gentle and kind. Someone you wears t-shirts, never short shorts. Someone who gets your humor like I do.
So what to do? Here is what you do.
1.) Walk up to her and say “hi.”
2.) Once you have her attention, look around nervously for a few seconds, then tell her she looks like Taylor Swift.
3.) If she says “thank you,” stand there staring at her for another few seconds.
4.) Run away as fast as you can and jump in your waiting escape vehicle, then speed away without stopping for several miles. Never go to that library again.
This is obviously not something you should undertake lightly, as you could fill your library of choice with awkward vibes so deadly they might kill you, should you return too soon. Be sure to pick a library you don’t care about, like one a few towns over, or a few states. (Or countries, if you can manage it.) But whatever it may cost you in usable libraries, it will more than make up for with the knowledge that you almost picked up someone who looks like Taylor Swift, almost had a fairytale romance with her, and almost lived happily ever after. Sigh!