Let me begin by saying that I got up close and personal with Michelangelo’s David just last weekend, and David Beckham may as well be a modern reincarnation of that perfect male archetype. His body is a temple, and criticizing anything about it should be considered treason against all that is good in this world. Which is why I’m really struggling with this GIF from his newest Guy Ritchie-directed H&M commercial.
Thing is, as far as male butts go, nobody’s bend is better than Beckham’s. But in the grand scheme of things, it’s still a male butt, and no matter how hard I try, I just can’t bring myself to ogle a dude’s donk. And trust me, I’ve given it the old college try. I’ve been on the field for every home Notre Dame football game for the past three years, and I can promise you at a certain point there is nothing better to do than check out what’s going on underneath those tight pants.
Arms? Sure. Abs? Obviously. Chests? Yup. Backs? Bring ‘em ON. But butts? Maybe I’m missing something, but I just can’t do it you guys. And clearly, if even one of the most perfect male behinds ever created is leaving me repulsed, it’s time to officially give up hope in this endeavor. Maybe it’s the hairy upper thighs, maybe it’s the clenching, maybe it’s the wedgie, maybe it’s the slight yet…impactful? glimpse of cheek, or maybe it’s just me, but whatever the reason this GIF is having the exact opposite of its intended effect.
It’s like Elaine said, “The male body is utilitarian. It’s like a Jeep.”
If you too are not a male-butt-lover or are considering turning to the less hairy gender after that particular image), you should probably check out the rest of the commercial. Guaranteed to set you straight in no time.