Ever since it was announced that Kate Middleton was pregnant, everyone wants to know everything about it, from her morning sickness to her baby bump to whether it’ll be twin girls, one of whom will for whatever reason grow up a commoner and join forces with the royal one to become co-queens. That one’s probably just in my Parent Trap-nostalgic mind, but still.
We’ll finally be getting a second official royal appearance from Duchess Kate later this month (the first being the viewing of that portrait of her everyone wanted the artist convicted of treason for). I guess shopping at Gap wearing a swingy cape under which everyone
falsely claims to see a baby bump doesn’t really count as official. Kate will be at Hope House in London on February 19. Prince William is a patron of their Action on Addiction program for women recovering from drug addiction.
Since there can’t be a pregnant Kate Middleton appearance (or any Kate Middleton appearance, really) without speculation being attached to it, here are five things everyone will undoubtedly be speculating about after the upcoming event.
1. How barely noticeable (but still there!) her baby bump is.
No matter how much the drape of her dress or the A-line shape of her coat suggests it’s all in our imaginations, we’ll see a baby bump. Our eyes are trained for it. Dogs can smell out drugs and cadavers; humans have the magical power of detecting baby bumps under billowy tops. It’s a gift.
2. Why she was wearing that dress.
I hope Kate knows enough not to wear blue or pink, or, heaven forbid, both at once, lest everyone assume she’s trying to tell us it’s a boy or a girl or a both! And I’m sure no matter what the dress is shaped like it will have been engineered to hide her growing belly, which is totally there! Did you see it? Blink and it’s gone.
3. What foods she’s craving during pregnancy.
If Kate stops for a meal while visiting the Hope House, we’ll get a glimpse into the kind of weird food combos she’s craving. Like maybe she’ll dip her scone in her tea before she adds the milk and sugar. Crazy!
4. Why Prince William’s behavior will make him a great dad.
Did you see the way he made eye contact with that child?! What a natural-born father. He smiled at that kid! Get that Best Dad Ever mug fired up in the kiln now!
5. What Kate’s body language suggests the baby’s sex is.
I’m sure body language experts are being told to pencil in the date as we speak. I predict there will be lots of “She touched her belly higher up, so it’s obviously a boy” or “She tucked her hair behind her ear in a very feminine way, suggesting she’s carrying a baby girl.”
I look forward to this momentous event with bated breath, and you should too. I’m sure it will tell us everything we need to know.