• Fri, Feb 1 2013

Who Is Harry Styles And Why Can’t He Move In More Than One Direction?

Harry Styles

Oh hello there old person! Welcome to Crushable! If you’re here, it’s because a young person in your life didn’t want to hear any more of your stupid questions. To be frank, they’re sick and tired of you asking, “what is a Harry Styles and why won’t his mother make him get a hair cut?” So they sent you this link.

But don’t fret! You are not in trouble! Your young person just wants to make sure that you’re in touch with what’s happening in the pop culture world today. So let’s begin with today’s lesson: what is a Harry Styles?

If People advised with 7th graders on who to pick for their annual Sexiest Man Alive cover, Harry Styles would win. The kids love him! That’s the first thing you need to know. He’s the IT hottie right now. As you read this very sentence, 67% of middle school girls just mailed their first bra to him. That’s how desired he is at this very moment.

Here’s what else you need to know about him. Today is his birthday. He is 19-years-old today. At just 19-years-old, he’s far more successful than you’ll ever be. He’s made more money this year then you’ll see in your whole life. Also he’s had more sex than you. Everyone wants sex with young Harry. Including married ladies who later blame him for ruining their marriages.

How is he so successful with money and with ladies? Well old people, he’s part of a boy band called One Direction. The only thing hotter than Harry Styles right now is One Direction. While I’m no meteorologist  I feel confident saying that being in their presence currently requires SPF 50! (That’s just a little sunburn humor for those pale people around us.)

One Direction includes Niall HoranZayn MalikLouis Tomlinson and Liam Payne and the British version of The X Factor invented them a few years ago. They’re all good-looking boys and they’re all very well-liked by the ladies. But Harry remains the most well-liked. So if you’re interested in cougaring it up Demi-Moore style, I suggest you go for one of the others.

Hm, what else should you know? His first name’s really Harold and, well he really made it mainstream at the end of last year when he pretended to date Taylor Swift to soften his bad boy image. It was a cute PR move, but it ended disastrously. As all relationships do when you’re 18, famous and horny.

So yeah, that’s pretty much everything you know to know about Harry Styles. Now go on out there and impress a young person with all your new, hip knowledge.

(GIF: Tumblr)

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  • Cumuluscloud

    I was concerned to find out that this “popular” Harry Styles celebrated his birthday with an ex-girlfriend who is 32 years old. Parents, research him on the Internet. and when i say girlfriend, i mean intimate. He also had an affair with another woman, married and in her 30s. and the husband blamed the breakup of their marriage because of his wife’s affair with Styles. Honestly, I can’t believe promoters would try push this type of man on young girls as having a wholesome image. This is information you can find on the internet, parents.