Oh hello there old person! Welcome to Crushable! If you’re here, it’s because a young person in your life didn’t want to hear any more of your stupid questions. To be frank, they’re sick and tired of you asking, “what is a Harry Styles and why won’t his mother make him get a hair cut?” So they sent you this link.
But don’t fret! You are not in trouble! Your young person just wants to make sure that you’re in touch with what’s happening in the pop culture world today. So let’s beginÂ withÂ today’s lesson: what is a Harry Styles?
IfÂ PeopleÂ advised with 7th graders on who to pick for their annual Sexiest Man Alive cover, Harry Styles would win. The kids love him! That’s the first thing you need to know. He’s the IT hottie right now. As you read this very sentence, 67% of middle school girls just mailed their first bra to him. That’s how desired he is at this very moment.
Here’s what else you need to know about him. Today is his birthday. He is 19-years-old today. At just 19-years-old, he’s far more successful than you’ll ever be. He’s made more money this year then you’ll see in your whole life. Also he’s had more sex than you. Everyone wants sex with young Harry. Including married ladies who later blame him for ruining their marriages.
How is he so successful with money and with ladies? Well old people, he’s part of a boy band calledÂ One Direction. The only thing hotter than Harry Styles right now is One Direction. While I’m noÂ meteorologistÂ I feel confident saying that being in their presenceÂ currentlyÂ requires SPF 50! (That’s just a little sunburn humor for those pale people around us.)
One Direction includesÂ Niall Horan,Â Zayn Malik,Â Louis TomlinsonÂ andÂ Liam PayneÂ and the British version ofÂ The X FactorÂ invented them a few years ago.Â They’re all good-looking boys and they’re all very well-liked by the ladies. But Harry remains the most well-liked. So if you’re interested in cougaring it up Demi-Moore style, I suggest you go for one of the others.
Hm, what else should you know? His first name’s really Harold and, well he really made it mainstream at the end of last year when he pretended to date Taylor Swift to soften his bad boy image. It was a cute PR move, but it ended disastrously. As all relationships do when you’re 18, famous and horny.
So yeah, that’s pretty much everything you know to know about Harry Styles. Now go on out there and impress a young person with all your new, hip knowledge.