Ah, Christmas! That one time of year when you can really bring your breasts out to celebrate the season. At least that seems to be what Kourtney Kardashian thinks in this Kardashian Family Christmas card from 2001, on the top. The rest of her family — from left to right: Kim, her father’s girlfriend Ellen (they weren’t married until two months before his death), Robert Kardashian, Rob, and Khloe — are all wearing tasteful holiday-themed sweaters, but Kourtney was not. about. that. She has on some kind of black and white plaid bustier and her girls are very much chirping.
Look how different everybody looks, though! This was like…eleven years ago, so Kim is 21, Kourtney is 22, and little baby Khloe with her blond hair is only 17 years old. I guess mostly people look the same, just Kim looks so different that it’s casting a weird shadow over the rest of the family. I can’t tell if it’s because her eyebrows are over-plucked or if she doesn’t have her trademark makeup style down yet, or if she’s just a wee youngin, but she looks like an alien.
The bottom picture is from two years later in 2003, at a cousin’s wedding in Beverly Hills, several months before Robert’s death from cancer. Kourtney has turned her breasts away from the camera lens in order to protect it from a repeat encounter with her cleavage…but speaking of cleavage…where are Khloe’s boobs? Where are they? She’s 19 in this picture, so they should’ve sprouted by now. Are they small in real life? Why can’t I picture them in any Khloe and Lamar footage? Did she get a boob job?? WHERE AM I. Her hair is a little more natural, at least, transitioning from the blond of 2001 into the sandy brown of 2003, soon to be the dark brown of forevermore. Did you like that? It’s a poem from my Christmas card this year. You’ll know it’s from me because I’ll be wearing a bikini in the photo. Merry Khristmas!