Amy Poehler Got A Book Deal, And I Got A Reason To Live To See 2014

19th Annual Screen Actors Guild (SAG) Awards held at the Shrine Auditorium - ArrivalsI can tell that I’m not a terrible person 100% of the time, because there is still news about other people that gives me a spontaneous burst of joy, like the fact that Amy Poehler just got a motherfuckin’ book deal. Yes. YESSSS. Well done world, you can give yourself a pat on the back for today, because this is a good decision that you have made. I can’t say that I’m totally on board with the fact that we gave the privilege of writing a book to Snooki before we gave it to the woman behind Parks And Recreation and a superior best-friendship with Tina Fey, on which all BFF relationships should be measured from now on, but what can you do?

All we know so far is that her contract is with a branch of HarperCollins Publishers called ‘It Books’, and that the format of the book will be an ‘illustrated, non-linear diary’. So sort of what Lena Dunham is in the process of writing, except that Amy is 41-years old to Lena’s 26 years, so this book will have 157.69% more facts and knowledge to it. One comparison that’s a little more flattering is to Tina’s book Bossypants, which occupies a dear place on my bookshelf and in my heart, and which I frequently try to jump into like the chalk drawings in Mary Poppins. Amy’s book, however, will include both fictional and non-fictional stories, which means it will be much easier for me to write myself into them, given the likelihood that no one will research a ficitonal story in which Amy adult-adopts me and teaches me how to love myself and completely kill it in the comedy world. And if that plan fails, I’m at least hoping for charming anecdotes about her work as a founding member of Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, her time on Saturday Night Live, and of course all the personal details of her marriage to Will Arnett and trade secrets on how to make children as adorable as Archie and Abel.

The book will be out in 2014, and I’ll be on the edge of my seat until the very moment that it arrives at my front door in the saddle bag of Lil’ Sebastian.

(Image: Brian To /

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