In case you were harboring any dreams of being invited to the Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth wedding like I was, you can officially give up hope. Miley spoke to Cosmo for their March issue, and she has some pretty solid plans for what will and will not go down on the day of their sacred union:
“I feel the bigger the wedding, the more it becomes a target for people to ruin. So we just want it to be small, with the people who we’d take bullets for. I don’t want to be looking at those photos and see people that I wish hadn’t been there. C’mon, I can’t even get coffee without a million paparazzi following me, so I don’t know why anyone thinks I’m going to have this huge, extravagant wedding. That is so not who I am.”
This is your fault, you guys!! The bigger something gets, the more people want to ruin it! Just like sandcastles and the dinosaurs and the Titanic! Those things were all gonna have a long and happy life too before you stuck your meddling noses in and destroyed them with kicking, asteroids, and icebergs, respectively. If it weren’t for you, her pesky fans, Miley could have the big, bold, beautiful wedding of her dreams. But because you’re following her into Starbucks and trying to help her wipe her butt in the bathroom, she can’t do that. She doesn’t want to look at her pictures and see Joe the Plumber and Alexis the Blogger! She doesn’t want our ugly faces in her wedding photos. So there, are you happy now? Are you happy?? You’ve destroyed me and Miley’s dream of them having a big, elaborate, Hunger Games or Hannah Montana-themed wedding filled with h8ers and trolls. Now it’s only gonna be populated with people that she or Liam would take a bullet for in real life. So basically her dad, her mom, one of her siblings, four of her dogs, Chris Hemsworth, and Katy Perry. I hope you’re fucking proud of yourselves.