Last night’s episode of Kourtney and Kim Take Miami was titled “Lez-B-Honest” and was about Scott Disick befriending a lesbian and Kim Kardashian stealing Kourtney Kardashian‘s breast milk. Just wanted to put all that out there front and center so you know what you’re getting into here.
The episode started out with, what else, baby talk. Immediate baby talk. Not thirty seconds into the show, Kourtney is already stuffing a pillow up Kim’s shirt assuring her that a big pregnant belly would balance out her bodacious booty. Remember, Kim is NOT pregnant at this point in the show, but we, in the real world, know that she currently is. Clearly the production of KKTM knew Kim was preggers by the time this was edited because they are really milking this pregnancy lead up.
Speaking of milking– which is never a good way to start a sentence, I apologize– this episode’s plot was driven by breast milk theft! Yep. Kim, who has psoriasis, reads online with her friend Jonathan that breast milk is an effective natural cure for psoriasis sores. But wherever would she find breast milk?! Oh yeah, Kourtney! What a coincidence! Kim and Jonathan decide that they can’t just ask Kourtney for the milk so at dinner in Kourtney’s suite, Jonathan suggests everyone hang out in the living room giving Kim time to run to the kitchen, steal a bit of b-milk, run back to her room, and apply it on her psoriasis. Totally normal.
Meanwhile, Scott attends a small daytime party at the house of his new friend Chapman because of course Scott’s new friend would be named Chapman. Kim goes with him for a little bit but then leaves because she “has errands” (I think the party just sucked..?) and Kourtney is all “Omg why would you leave Scott there? He will get too crazy! Blah, blah, blah” (I’m paraphrasing). At the party, Scott gets drunk, but not too drunk, and meets a lesbian named Dani that he takes a liking to mainly because they have the same haircut.
While Scott’s at the party, Kourtney has been Skyping with her therapist who suggests she write out the thoughts she wants to send to Scott as texts or emails, but not actually send them as a way to vent. Anyone see where this is going? Of course you do.
Scott continues to hang out with Dani and goes out to dinner with her and a bunch of her friends who are all also lesbians. They talk about gay marriage and how Scott should name his boat “Lez-B-Honest” or “Lez-Boat” and have a good, innocent time. Of course, Kourtney doesn’t see it this way. She doesn’t want Scott hanging out with random people she doesn’t know. And once Scott gets home they get in a little argument which leads her to do the therapist’s suggested venting method. Kim tries to help and types the fake email to Scott into Kourtney’s phone for her but then sends it “on accident,” also of course. Scott’s understandably pissed that he just got an email that lists all the reasons he sucks. Scott’s weirdly reasonable in this series until he refers to himself as Lord Disick and everything’s shot to hell again.
On the other side of things, Kim keeps stealing breast milk.
Scott, still pissed at Kourtney, goes out shopping with Dani– without a proper shopping montage, I might add, which is completely unacceptable– and she advises him that Kourtney’s aggression just means she cares and they need to communicate more. Thanks Dani. All aboard the S.S. Lez-Bein’-Obvious.
Back at home, Scott and Kourtney have a conversation about their relationship while Scott holds a plastic lion. It’s probably their son’s toy, but him grasping it is funny nonetheless. They agree their relationship has gotten better little by little and they want to keep working on it and moving in the right direction. Blahhhh. Let’s move on because…
Kim needs more breast milk! And this time she and Jonathan have decided to tell Kourtney that Kim’s kitten Mercy, needs the breast milk to drink because her specialty kitten food ran out. Seriously, that’s what she says. Anyway, Kourtney says she’ll milk herself for the kitten if Jonathan first hooks himself up to the breast pump (Side note: I cannot believe I just wrote that sentence). Jonathan hooks himself up to the breast pump, of course, which is disturbing and Kourtney is like, “Guys, I’m not actually gonna milk myself for that cat.” which THANK GOD.
Instead the episode ends with Kim admitting that she stole the breast milk for her psoriasis treatment and Kourtney literally squirting milk from her boobs onto the psoriasis sores on Kim’s leg. OF COURSE.