So, this is weird. The confusingly plural country of The Netherlands has a new queen named Princess Máxima, y’all, and she looks an awful lot like Britney Spears. Certainly more like Britney Spears than any European royalty before her.
Did you even know the Netherlands had a king and queen? Up until now, I just thought the country was ruled by a giant, sentient clump of Purple Haze. This new queen comes to us courtesy of the old queen, Queen Beatrix, who is abdicating her throne in favor of her son, who is married to one Maxima Zorreguieta, a former investment banker from…blah blah blah, who cares. HOW DOES SHE LOOK SO MUCH LIKE BRIT BRIT?!
I guess you could blame the tanned, flaxen haired beauty myth that they are both trying to resemble, ingrained as it is in the consciousness of so many. They have the same bad dye/extensions job, the same heavy eye makeup, and the same vague look that something isn’t right. Most importantly, though, they have the same shell shocked smile, the smile of a woman afraid of being thrown back in the looney bin at any moment if she does not perform according to her masters’ wishes. Does Maxima secretly have a conservator, too? Or is her prison less like a father constantly miming the word “lobotomy,” and more like a husband who will execute you by weed overdose if you step out of line? In any case, I weep for both of them.