• Sun, Jan 27 2013

Miley Cyrus Pops A Ladyboner Over Her ‘Hubby’ Liam Hemsworth, Reminds Us That She’s Only 20

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When I read Miley Cyrus‘ interview with Cosmo, my first instinct was to dedicate an entire post to her bra-less breasts. Mainly because I feel like I have a deep and meaningful relationship with them, as they are consistently thrust into every camera lens on the planet.  But I decided to read the actual interview to give her words the benefit of the doubt instead of her boobies.

I learned two things from Miley today: she would absolutely love it if everyone would forget that she was Hannah Montana; and she practically gets an “o” every time she looks at Liam Hemsworth.

The first thing I can somewhat understand, because she’s getting older and blonder and balder and it’s probably kind of embarrassing to still be associated with your Disney tween alter ego.  But isn’t that kind of a classic case of a celebrity whose fame grows and grows, and they decide they can bite the hand that fed them?  I mean, don’t get me wrong — as much as my kindergarten class loved line-dancing to “Achy Breaky Heart” in 1990, I think it’s safe to say that Billy Ray Cyrus wasn’t ever going to become the next Johnny Cash.  So while Billy’s name couldn’t have hurt Miley’s foot as it walked into the Disney doors, Hannah Montana is probably the only reason we even know who the hell she (and her nips) are today.

Ok, now about that second tidbit.  Yeah, Liam Hemsworth is HAWT.  So good-looking he actually made me type the word “HAWT.”  My Nana is legally blind and even she dabs her hanky to her brow whenever The Last Song comes on ABC Family in her retirement home rec center.  But Miley is really really really attracted to her fiance:

I’ll literally look at him and be like ‘You are hot, dear god!’ The other day, I turned on the pool heater and it was steaming, and he walked outside and took off his clothes and jumped in the pool. I was like, ‘I’m gonna faint–the hottest guy of my life is in a steaming pool. This looks like a Playgirl shoot.’ So I took a photo and made it the background on my phone. My best friend grabbed my phone and was like, ‘Who’s that? He is so hot!’ That’s my hubby!

 

Yeah, she’s totally 20.  That right there is the lusty rambling of a girl-not-yet-a-woman who can’t legally order Chardonnay but is engaged to a hot guy she’s been banging for a few years.  Sigh, I remember those days.  Fast forward seven years later and I too am betrothed, but I can honestly say that I don’t ever associate my beloved with a Playgirl shoot unless it’s in a joking manner.  Much as I love him, and as attractive as I find him, I haven’t felt that way about a boy since I lost my v-card in 11th grade (sorry if you’re reading this, Nana).

Enjoy it while it lasts, gUrL!

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