Esteemed publication Star magazine is announcing to the world that Angelina Jolie is pregnant with her seventh child with Brad Pitt. Since it’s been at least four years since the birth of a Jolie-Pitt child, I’m inclined to believe it.
According to Star, Angie and Brad are telling their friends (they have friends?) that they are expecting a boy and “Shiloh has even determined that the baby’s name must be John.” Now that can’t be true, because that name isn’t weird enough for Hollywood and it certainly isn’t weird enough for the Jolie-Pitts’ seventh baby. Already parents to Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh and twins Knox and Vivienne (my personal fave), they need to come up with something a little more creative.
Angelina Jolie terrifies me when she’s not preggo, but she especially terrifies me when she is. She’s always bone-thin and haggard during her pregnancies, which leads me to believe she’s probably carrying Satan’s spawn…and then BOOM. She delivers perfect, beautiful, cherubic angels sent from the golden gates of heaven. If that’s not some sort of wily witchcraft, I don’t know what is.
Star is also reporting that Angie and Brad are considering leaving Hollywood for good. While I’m sure they have plenty of money, that money will surely run out if they have seven nannies to pay for, plus all of their chateaus and Chanel perfume. If they stop making movies and Jolie-ing at awards shows, what will happen to those children? They already need so much help, they can’t even poop on their own.
I guess we’ll find out in six months or so!