• Fri, Jan 25 2013

Of Course TLC Found A Woman Who Keeps Her Labia In A Jar, OF COURSE

Frances Labia in a Jar

Oh, what’s that? Did I hear you say that you wanted to meet a woman who kept her labia in a jar. Oh sure, come right on in. Because don’t you know it, I just found a clip from the upcoming TLC spectacle Plastic WIves about a woman who does just that.

Yep, she’s a lady who keeps her labia in a jar. Because why not? It’s a free country and we can do whatever we want to do when we want to do and we can put whatever we want in jars into jars. Why, just yesterday I made spaghetti and poured sauce out of a jar. Then tell you what you little gossipmongers, I poured in too much so I put some right back into the jar. Yeah, that’s a true story. Believe it, don’t believe it. Doesn’t matter to me because I know the truth.

Just like Frances Marques doesn’t care if you don’t like her jar ‘o labia. Her labia, her jar.

Why would she keep her labia in a jar? C’mon, what are you, An FBI trainee? DON’T WORRY ABOUT THAT! It’s actually none of your business. Here’s what you need to know.

Sometimes women like to change things up. For example, I’m going to remove my purple nail polish tonight and replace it with something different. Maybe plum, maybe violet. I don’t know, I’m going to see how I feel in the moment. Frances wanted to change up her vagina. It bored her, it stayed in on Saturday nights, it refused to try new restaurants and instead always repeated the same tired phrase, “can we just order in tonight?”

So Frances gave it a makeover. Or a makeunder. I’m not sure what the medical term is for what she did to it — but I do know that part of it now lives in a jar. Where she’s forced to keep it out of the direct line of sunlight from fear it could come to life.

While I only have a small clip below, you can get the full story on Sunday, January 27th at 10 PM during the premiere of Plastic Wives.

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