The 2013 Coachella line-up is out, you guys! Aren’t you excited to know who is playing this $350 festival in the middle of the desert and probably not near your house at all? Answer: YES.
As easy as it would be for me to be all like, “fuck all that rich people shit,” the line-up is actually pretty amazing this year, and I am preemptively jealous of everyone who gets to go see a bunch of bands that I like at once. It’s especially amazing if you are someone over 30 (and up to Gen-X) who went through a punk phase, followed by a mod phase, followed by a dance-y indie rock phase, with some good hip hop thrown in along the way. Or if you’re just a weird, young music nerd. Or a weird, old music nerd. Whatever! Anyway, here are some highlights and lowlights.
The Stone Roses: This legendary four-piece was instrumental to the ’80s Madchester scene, only nobody made a movie about them because none of them killed themselves. That doesn’t mean they’re not good! All the dance rock bands of the early 2000′s revival wanted to sound like them (and they still do).
Blur: fuck yeah, Brit pop! It’s not Pulp, but I’ll take it.
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs: As someone who was a punky young party girl in New York in the early 2000s, I am biologically obligated to love this band. Karen O is one of the last great rockstars. Fuck u if u disagree.
Lou Reed: is fucking Lou Reed.
Modest Mouse: I love rock music that is weird and sad and fun all at once.
Phoenix: Who doesn’t like peppy, falsetto-driven dance rock made by French aristocrats?
The Postal Service: I still cry whenever I hear “The District Sleeps Alone Tonight,” and that’s okay.
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds and Grinderman??? Someone heard this little Goth’s prayers and booked a double dose of that throaty Australian genius.
Wu-Tang Clan: WU TAAAAAAAANG!!!
Are you getting tired of reading about music that I like yet? I know it’s weird for me to like so many things in a row. Here are some more bands that I like: Tegan and Sara, Beach House, Japandroids, Johnny Marr (even though I would obviously prefer Morrissey), Aesop Rock, Social Distortion, FOALS, OMD, La Roux, The Faint, The Descendants, Grimes, Tame Impala, Dinosaur Jr, Tanlines, Trash Talk, Dead Can Dance, DIIV, Sigur Ros, and more! Are you having a boring Friday at work? Go ahead and look up the ones you don’t know on Youtube. There, I just made you a mix tape.
Vampire Weekend: Yeah, I know, everybody loves them. I also know that there is nothing about them a logical person could hate, which is why they are not in the bottom category. I still hold that they are the vanilla ice cream of indie rock and the missionary style sex of Afro pop. Someday I will write an essay on their strange fixation with making fun of goths. Also, they play every festival. Give someone else a turn.
Infected Mushroom: I refuse to look up this band’s music because their name is so awful. Mushrooms are one of my favorite foods, why did you have to ruin it with such disgusting imagery?
The Red Hot Chili Peppers: I know they had their moment or whatever, but the Red Hot Chili Peppers are cheesy as fuck. The kinds of people who like all those other bands are the same kinds that are going to leave to go do stepped on coke and re-live their early 2000′s glory days during what is supposed to be the crowning set of the festival.
Some people think Coachella invented a time machine that takes us back to 2003, to which I say: what’s so bad about that? 2003 was a great time for music, and I’d jump at the chance for a do-over on that year.