Manti Te’o Just Released Voicemails From ‘Lennay Kekua’ And I Could Not Be More Uncomfortable

Manti TeoAlright, so. Last night, sitting down with Katie Couric, Manti Te’o released three voicemails that are supposedly from Lennay Kekua, or Ronaiah Tuiasosopo imitating a girl’s voice, or the fucking Fighting Irish of Notre Dame auditioning for The Voice. Whoever we’re saying it is today. You should definitely listen to them, and form your own opinions, but TMZ is saying they’re confirming it’s Ronaiah altering his voice to sound like a girl.

Guh. GUHHHH. Here’s the thing. I hate this story. I hate it so much. Not because it isn’t exciting and intriguing, but because it is making me so effing uncomfortable. I need to know what the eff went down, and who is responsible for what, and why. And let’s stop calling it a prank, okay? Because hey, THIS WAS NOT A PRANK. We stopped being allowed to call it a prank when someone spent five hundred hours on it. That’s over three months of a full-time job, and that’s just time spent actually talking on the phone. It doesn’t include time spent creating Twitter accounts, texting, and you know…your actual fucking real life. At this point, from where I stand, no one’s coming out of this with a good reputation, and that includes Manti. Either he knew Lennay was fake, in which case it seems really likely that he and Ronaiah were in a relationship, or else he didn’t know she was fake, in which case he might need to wear a thicker helmet to football games in the future. Because that is fucking bonkers. How do you not know you’re talking to a guy and not a girl for that long?And how are we supposedly proving A. that these are the voicemails that Manti says they are, from back in 2012, and B. that the voice on the recording is Ronaiah?

There are so many options, and all of them are so fucking weird. I was so uncomfortable listening to the voicemails that I was legit giggling, you guys. I’m uninvolved in this situation and I’m still so uncomfortable about it that I’m having an involuntary physical reaction. I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS. And I hate things I don’t understand. Like gay marriage and the French language.

(Image: Salon)

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    • Jenni

      Unlike Alexis, I LOVE this scandal. Even if you combined every single Lifetime movie ever made, those plots would still more more sense than this story. The more we find out, the more we don’t know. IT’S INSANITY. Like, what, this guy impersonated a woman for 500 hours for a prank? No. That’s not a prank. That’s a serious long distance relationship. The kind where two people really learn a lot about each other. So they were dating in a way….a very, weird way.

      Side note: how can Roniahah fake a female voice for 500 hours, but every man who’s ever impersonated a woman in a movie can’t do it for more than two hours. They always do that whole (deep voice) yes *cough* *cough* (high voice) I mean, yes?

    • amanda

      Did this idiot REALLY just say they hate gay marriage? Are you kidding me? Come the fck on crushable. This is who you have writing for you???

      • SGB

        She technically said she doesn’t understand gay marriage, not that she hates it.

      • Lmg

        Dear Lord are there still people in the world who don’t understand sarcasm?? Or jokes in general? Sorry Alexis I guess you’ll have to adopt a more straightforward, dry style of writing.

      • SGB

        Why was this directed at me? I think this website is hilarious.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Guys. I love gay marriage and all marriage. It’s sarcasm. Take it easy.

      • amanda

        Nothing about that sounded sarchastic. If that’s where u were going with it, well then u have a totally different humor than me. I personally don’t see the sarchasm there.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        What’s a sarchasm? Is it like a sarcanyon?

    • Tom

      As per the movies… It’s just that… Movies.. Trangendered Learn to do this for the rest of their lives and some of them do it very convincingly. So much some lose their old voice from lack of use. This is not a prank…
      It’s a guy with a problem and likely a crush on teo taking on an alter ego that he became
      Way too obsessed with but could never carry it further because upon sight teo would know the truth. Yes, teo is a fool, but there’s no way he didn’t believe it..
      And this other guy was getting off pretending to be the woman.
      Not to stereotype but the ‘prankster’ is into drama, as on plays a musicals.
      Though a fool, I feel for the pain of his public humiliation.

    • Poopieface

      Did it ever cross anyone’s mind that Te’o is gay?

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        I think the only person’s mind it hasn’t crossed is Te’o's.

        “Far far far from it.”

      • Jenni