Do you like the chimney sweep version of Zac Efron, with sexy smears of sultry dirt on him? Well then you’re gonna love the new trailer for At Any Price, a tale of a hard-luck farmer played by Dennis Quaid, and his son Zac Efron who just wants to get peed on by Nicole Kidman. No wait, that’s just The Paperboy and also every night in my night terrors. This movie is about how he’s supposed to take on the family business but just wants to race cars instead. And his dad keeps being like, “C’mon Zac, be a farmer,” and Zac is like, “Nah, Paw, I hate showers and I’d rather drive cars.”
But it turns out that Zac has a nice lead foot that’s gonna take him straight to NASCAR. Or that’s what the elderly gremlin in the farmer clothes says, anyway, and there was uplifting music playing in the background, so I believe him. So even though Paw keeps telling him he’ll never make it, we know in our little gold hooker hearts that he will succeed, he WILL! Especially once a girl believes in him and sits on his lap and takes off her shirt in his car. That’s the ultimate omen of success, the opposite of seeing a black cat. But then slutty temptress Heather Graham arrives and we know the movie is about to get angsty. Will Zac cheat on his dusty love with Heather? Will Paw get in trouble for doing some crop-spraying thing in the fields that there’s a lot of foreshadowing about? Will Zac finally take a shower so I can get a better look at his muscles? Only time will tell.