George Clooney recently joke-commented that he gets his balls ironed, and as a certified detecto-journalist (it’s what you call being a journalist detective when you have absolutely no qualifications), I aim to get to the bottom of this. When speaking to Italy’s Max magazine, he said the following:
“I never fixed my eyes, but I spent more money to stretch the skin of my testicles. I did not like the wrinkles. It’s a new technique, many people in Hollywood have done it. It’s called ‘ball ironing.’”
Ahaha. What a funny joke, Mr. Clooney. OR IS IT. I’m on the case, and I notice a disturbing clue — there is an actual ball-ironing procedure available to the discerning celeb with a saggy set. It’s called a ‘scrotal lift’, and I since I’m fearful of what might come up if I do a Google search of that term, I’m gonna just assume that the way the doctors do it is by repeatedly dunking your sac in extremely cold water. It’s also called iced-tea-bagging, and it’s very effective. So did Georgie really have that done? Is he doing that thing where he jokes about something real so we’ll assume he’s just kidding? Or does he really have an especially wrinkly set of trouser bags elbowing each other around in there?
Another clue comes to us from the past, all the way back in 2007 when he was talking to Julia Roberts on an Oscars TV special, and after he told her that he had his eyes done, he asked, “Can you tell? I think it’s important to look awake.”
More jokes, eh?? Well well well, you have to get up pretttty early to get the jump on Detecto Lexxo. I think this is another of his red herrings, to throw us off the trail. I think he did get eye work done but didn’t get ball work done. And now he’s just trying to distract us from his crotchballs with the charming twinkling of his eyeballs. And by god, man, it’s working. If only this wrinkly pair of huevos had walked into any office but mine.
(Image: / WENN.com)