I think sometimes Ryan Gosling wakes up in the morning and specifically thinks to himself, “How may I tantalize a nation of ladies today?” And this particular Monday, he’s done a real bang-up job by forcing me to think about his musculature before 11:00am. I’d be mad about it, but instead I’m…thinking about his pectorals, so I’m not.
Ryan recently gave an interview in which he was asked about his ridiculously chiseled body and his reaction to the…ahem…positive reaction (read: rabid obsession) it inspires in the ladies, and he said:
“Anyone can get those if they work at it. It’s just a lot of exercising. And it’s really quite pointless, because you go to a gym and you lift a heavy thing so a muscle grows, but the only thing the muscle can actually do is to lift that heavy thing.”
I just…I need to take a moment to fully imprint into all of your minds how quickly and completely this man has ascended my freebie list. You know, that list of celebrities you’re allowed to sleep with even if you’re in a relationship? I don’t happen to be in one at present, but I cling to my freebie list in the hopes that it will somehow bring me closer to young Master Gosling in some rom-com meet up. In my head, we’ll be trapped in an elevator, but I could also handle him diving into a river to save me from drowning or protecting my dog that I don’t have from some dog bullies. It’s not planned out, but it’s very real, okay? Speaking of pets, let’s listen to Ryan talk about his muscles some more:
”After a while they’re like pets because they don’t do anything useful. But you have to feed them and take care of them otherwise they’ll go away. I feel a bit goofy having them, to tell you the truth.”
How dare you. How dare you speak this blasphemy? They absolutely do something useful. They draw the eye and the brain when I’m sitting at work on a slow Friday. Your stupid pet muscles are the reason I don’t fall asleep at my desk, Ryan Gosling, and don’t you ever speak that way about them ever again. EVER.