If history books stopped obsessing over wars and started obsessing over what actually matters, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler would get an entire chapter dedicated to their co-hosting performance at last night’s Golden Globe Awards. From their incredibly hilarious opening dualologue to their Â ”we’re going home with Jodie Foster” closing line, they reminded us just amazing they are when they’re working together. I know I’m not the only who spent the majority of their night last night googling “do Tina Fey and Amy Poehler accept applications to be their third wheel?”
Just watch this best of video if you need any kind of reminder of what an awesome job they did last night.
In the infamous words of Liz Lemon, “I want to go to there.” There being wherever they are the rest of time.
ButÂ unfortunatelyÂ they’re not exactly open about their whereabouts. Sometimes I just feel like celebrities don’t want to be stalked. It’s like get on Twitter, get on Foursquare and use the two to help me follow you around as you go about your day. It’s really not that hard. And frankly, it’s almostÂ embarrassingÂ that they’re so behind on social media. If you want diehard fans to die trying to climb up your fire escape, you’ve got to beÂ moreÂ open with your home address. Welcome to 2013 ladies, it’s all about privacy — andÂ tryingÂ to get that word legally removed from our vocabulary.
While we can cross our fingers that the congress will work to repeal the word privacy and the entire concept of a celebrity having a “personal life” this year, we have to make do with what we have in the meantime. And that’s Tina and Amy’s publicÂ partnership.
So even though we can’t brunch at the table next to them right away, we can give them a few ideas on how they can grace us with theirÂ presenceÂ in the upcoming future. Because we expect them to do a lot of gracing going forward. It’s only fair to us, as Americans, that they now devote the rest of their time on earth to entertaining us.
1. The 2013 Academy Awards. This is the most obvious option. I think we’re all a little nervous aboutÂ Seth MacFarlane hosting this year’s show. Sure, he can do wonders with a life-size teddy bear. Â But he can work a room filled with the most self-important people in the world? I’m not sure. So why not test it out on a smaller stage (Teen Choice Awards 2013 perhaps) and let the ladies take over this time. With the exception of James Cameron, I think everyone loved them.
2.Â Saturday Night Live. I doubt that I need to explain to you why this would be so amazing. Nor do I need toÂ elaborateÂ whey they’ll also be expected to be the musical guests. Also Kristen Wiig can come. Because after her performance with Will Ferrell last night, I think I love her too.
3. President Obama’s Inauguration.Â Talk about a ceremony that can use a few laughs. While there’s no doubt that Obama will give a great speech, there is a lot of doubt that it will be anywhere near as meme-able as Tina and Amy. And in this day and age, there’s no point in really talking publicly if you’re not saying something that can be turned around into a GIF in under 30 seconds. Sure, sure, sure Obama can be on stage with them. But he can’t have the mike.
4. Middle School Dances. I personally would love to hear their commentary on what goes down when the DJ announces that this next dance will be ladies choice. It’s such a horriblyÂ awkwardÂ moment that happens in every young girl’s life, so it therefore should be captured by the commentary of professional funny people. One plus one equals two people.
Â 5. The Superbowl. Okay, so I know we all love them working together. But what if we let them work against each other just this one time. I don’t know a lot about football, but I’m pretty sure everyone would be cool with letting them just spend a few hours chasing each other around the field. It would be far less stressful for the fans and it would be far moreÂ entertainingÂ forÂ theÂ people forced to watch the game because that’s what’s socially required of us. And if they want, they may also perform with Beyonce. You know, if they’re not too tired of all the costume/uniform changes I expect them to do.
6. My Dreams. They’re welcome to visit any time they want. Provided that it involves the three of us hanging around, drinking Miami Vices and talking about all their deepest, darkest secrets.