So this is cute.Â Les MiserablesÂ star Anne Hathaway continues to deny being pregnant. Which is stupid, because every doctor who’s ever given a quote to a tabloid for a patient they’re not seeing says denial is the number one sign of being pregnant. The second sign? Having a small child come out from that hole thingy in between a woman’s legs.
People started to get suspicious of her womb’s vacancy sign when she got married to Adam Shulman. After all, everyone knows first comes love, then comes marriage, then come a baby in a baby carriage, shortly followed by a PeopleÂ cover with some kind of exclamation of how many the mother loves the child, even though duh. I know, I know, you don’t remember that last line from your favorite childhood chant? It’s gotten lost over time, but I assure you it’s been around since the early 12th century. Except back thenÂ “People cover”Â meant the bubonicÂ plague and “duh” meant died.
The pregnancy rumors only gained more steam last night on the 2013 Golden Globes red carpet when Anne Hathaway showed up not looking pregnant. Sign number three of being pregnant? Not looking pregnant. Pregnancy is tricky like that. The less you look pregnant, the higher the odds are that you’re going to give birth in the next 3 – 29 months. Why, if I had a dollar for every celebrity who looked me in the eye and said “I am not pregnant” as their water broke, I’d have 2 dollars. One for Vivienne Jolie-Pitt and one for Knox Jolie-Pitt. Bet you didn’t know that I was there for that birth. That’s just a fun fact that I only pull out whenÂ necessary.
So in conclusion, I think we can all agree that Anne Hathaway is pregnant. Very, very pregnant. Why I wouldn’t be surprised if she delivered her child today. They do say that invasive personal questions on the red carpet unrelated to the nominee’s movie are the best way to induce labor these days.