My, my, my how the tables have turned in the capital city of Break-Up Songs Are Us. It’s undeniable that Taylor Swift and Adele are both known for singing about love…and how it completely destroyed both their lives. And up until the 2013 Golden Globes it was possible for them both to exist in our world and for them both to be co-sponsors of heartbreak all across America. In fact, anonymous sources once told me that the two planned to partner up with Ben & Jerry’s in 2013 and host break-ups in 10 select college dorms.
But tonight that ended. In one single moment that entire partnership came crashing down faster than you can yell Jenga. You see, both ladies got nominated for best song ever to be featured in a movie — Taylor Swift for her song in Hunger Games and Adele for her song in Skyfall. However, as the rules state, only one can win. And it was Adele for “Till the World Ends.”
While everyone else mentally willed her to accidentally say her son’s name in her acceptance speech, Taylor Swift channeled all her anger into sending Adele the world’s worst stink eye ever. I’m no doctor, but I feel comfortable saying that it sent a collective chill down America’s spine.
I mean, I think we have the entire plot for the next season of American Horror Story ready to go now. It just features close-ups on Taylor Swift’s face, with the occasional glimpse of Adele tied up in the corner, being forced to sing Taylor Swift’s songs over and over again, allowed to eat nothing but her Golden Globe award.