Hold on to your umbrellas, folks, because Britney Spears may have lost her marbles once again: Britney and her fiance, Jason Trawick, have officially called it quits. This devastating news from modern-day Hollywood’s Bogie and Bacall comes right on the heels of Britney’s announcement that she won’t be returning to The X Factor.
Apparently Britney wants to focus on performing AND being single again. She may even get her own long-running show in Vegas. Because Las Vegas is too inundated with real live performers like Celine Dion, Elton John and Cher. If there’s one thing Caesar’s Palace is really missing, it’s a half-assed, auto-tuned hot raging mess.
Oh boy. Britney Spears + Not one, but two major life losses = The Return of Bald-ney any day now. Personally, I hope she’s found sobriety, er, sanity, to be a welcome change these last few years and doesn’t completely lose her fucking marbles and beat the shit out of real live humans with golf umbrellas anytime soon. I’d much rather see her reunite with K-Fed or become a recurring guest star on Buckwild.
Scarlett and Rhett decided to really pour salt in the wound by having their publicists release two really nice, really respectful, probably really untrue statements:
“Jason and I have decided to call off our engagement,” Spears says in the statement. “I’ll always adore him and we will remain great friends.”
Adds Trawick: “As this chapter ends for us a new one begins. I love and cherish her and her boys and we will be close forever.”
Yeah yeah. True love is dead. Because if a delicate southern belle like Britney can’t make it work with her 40-year-old agent, where is there hope for the rest of us?