There’s a new trend sweeping the nation, and I can’t say it’s something I, as a proud defender of family values and believer in waiting ’til marriage, particularly approve of. It’s a new thing called revenge cleavage, and Selena Gomez is its newest adherent. Having just broken up with Justin Bieber, Selena is a prime target for the sect. She’s emotional, vulnerable, wants to look good in front of the Scornful Bieber. It is into this mindset that the first seeds of revenge cleavage are quietly planted.
This is how it happens for a young starlet these days. You get broken up with by your uber-popular boyfriend and you want to make a scene. Leave a mark. Make a splash. But you’re not taking his phone calls right now, and he’s not taking yours either, so how to do it? You can’t trash him in an interview, and your album with the transparent details of his life won’t come out until later in the year. What can you do? AHA. Get ‘dem tatties out. Just look at Taylor Swift and how she dressed last night post-Haylor! Particularly if you have a reputation for keeping the ladies under wraps, the days and weeks post break-up are an excellent time to blow off the dust and break those puppies out. Go to an awards show. Get ‘em photographed on the red carpet. It’s like making the whole world your personal Facebook. Even if your ex isn’t creeping your page, your breasticles are gonna be popping up on every website anyway, so that should drive the point home of how well you’re doing without him and what a big mistake he made to leave you because you’re asexual and don’t put out.
It’s the perfect storm of boobs, is what it is. I’m mad I didn’t think of it myself, frankly. I need to step up my game. And maybe date JBiebs or Harry Styles while I’m at it.
(Image: Dominic Chan / Adriana M. Barraza / WENN.com)