So, this does not seem suspicious at all. Just one day after a very believable tabloid story came out that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have kinky, heterosexual sex not one, not three, but up to seven totally awesome times a day, a deleted ”sex scene” from Twilight has been released to the general public. How serendipitous!
I put “sex scene” in scare quotes, of course, because the scene contains no actual sex, only halting references to the fact that they’ve been having sex. “Pillow survived,” says Bella in her best “whatthefuckever” voice. “Practice makes perfect,” replies Edward in his left back a grade voice. In another part of the scene, Bella says she likes being human now, to which Edward replies, “So sex was the key. After all.” TOO HOT FOR THE MOVIES! Someone slap an X on that thing!
This comes a day after a story in Star claiming Robsten is as sexually exciting as Bedward is stupefying. You know how I know that’s not true? Because they didn’t even try to make it sound real. Sex once a day is impressive for a long term couple. Three times a day? That’s pushing it, but they are young, I guess. But seven times a day? What the hell? Don’t they have other shit to do? (Besides promoting a franchise they both hate, I mean.)
It sounds like someone on Robsten’s PR team is getting lazy, because I used to almost believe they were a real couple, and now it’s not even close. But maybe it’s all part of some sort of counterintelligence operation whose purpose has not yet been revealed to us. Who knows?