Beyonce is trying to shatter my brain canals with spasms of jealousy and joy this week, I just know it. On the same day that Justin Timberlake announced (maybe?) a new album dropping in three days, and just one day after dissolving my eyeballs with her glorious underbreasts, Bey has announced that for the first time in eight years, Destiny’s Childwill release new original music.
…yeah, that’s right. DESTINY’S CHILD. Not solo Beyonce doing her Single Ladies thing in a new black-and-white dancing video…all the ladies back together again, getting down like it’s 2002. We’re talkin’ Kelly Rowland, we’re talkin’ Michelle Williams. And not the blond Dawson’s Creek one either. None of that. The one who’s one-third of the sassiest girl diva group ever to sashay across a stage. They taught us everything we know about being independent women. It’s only because of them that I know he better Say My Name while we’re watching Survivor. How else do you know if he’s paying attention? And I don’t think I’m the only one Jumpin’ Jumpin’ about this, either, because the announcement post only went up two hours ago, and already over eighty thousand people have liked it. Why can’t I get those kinds of numbers on my ‘Think I just ate a bug’ status updates?
The new album will be called Love Songs, and it’s coming out January 29th, so you best pay your Bills, Bills, Bills, so all you wo-MEN indepen-DENT can throw your hands up at me…and buy it. Bootylicious and stuff.
(Image: Nikki Nelson / WENN.com / Facebook)