• Tue, Jan 8 2013

In An Attempt To Seduce Every Woman Ever, Ryan Gosling Brings His Mom To His Movie Premiere

Ryan Gosling Mother Gangster SquadRyan Gosling will not rest until all the women in the world fully commit themselves to him. That’s the only explanation for the fact that he brought his mother Donna to his Gangster Squad premiere. It’s not like he doesn’t have a built-in-date in his girlfriend Eva Mendes, I’m sure she’d love to go to a premiere or two or maybe even three. But no, he brings Donna  to escort him down the red carpet. It’s a classic Gosling move and four out of five dentists agree that it’s more effective at making people fall in love than eHarmony.com.

Of course the sick twist in this case is that it’s a one-sided relationship. No matter how much you fall in love with Ryan Gosling and no matter how compatible you believe yourself to be, he’ll never love you back. And sadly, unlike eHarmony.com, you don’t get your money back in six months. Nope, once you rip your heart out of your chest and fedex it to his house, it’s gone. He has it forever.

Rumor has it that he stores all the hearts in the same room that he stores women that he saves from oncoming traffic. You keep both at the same temperature, so it just comes down to practicality. Of course that’s just a story that Mario Lopez whispered in my ear backstage one night on the set of the Pet Star reunion. So who knows if it’s really true. Who knows if Ryan Gosling can really smell a lonely woman from up to five miles aways.

In a world as wacky as Hollywood it’s hard to differentiate fact from fiction, love from lust, Isla Fischer from Amy Adams. Maybe Ryan Gosling really did just want to give Donna a fun night out. And maybe Eva Mendes had big plans before she knew about the premiere — a girls night out at Chilis or a Hitch fan-fiction contest deadline.

Or maybe, just maybe, this entire red carpet stunt just proved that he’s determined to seduce every single woman in America. If you’re a bird, I’m a bird, you know what I’m saying?

(Photo: Thomas Janssen, PacificCoastNews.com)

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  • bumbler

    I think “He attempts to CHARM women” would be a better term, since ‘seduce’ implies ladies are becoming sexually aroused by the kind way he treats his mother. Awkward.