You know what I can’t stand? When celebrities look ugly. Like, hey, you’re a celebrity, be very hot all the time. Take Mila Kunis for example. Esquire named her the sexiest woman alive in 2012. Yet, for some reason, she feels totally comfortable leaving her house in sweatpants. How do you spell gross in 2013? E-l-a-s-t-i-c (space) w-a-i-s-t-b-a-n-d.
Thankfully New York Daily News is on the case and ready to battle her violent case of the uglies in an article titled Mila Kunis is a fashion fiasco as Hollywood’s frumpiest, dumpiest celeb.
Here’s a fun collection of my favorite lines from their very-necessary intervention with her.
“Kunis is rarely spotted these days in anything except dumpy, frumpy gym wear.. Apparently at chez Kunis, it’s laundry day everyday…walking the dog or lunch in L.A., Kunis and Kutcher are a match made in casual dressing hell…But now it’s time to shed the elastic waistband and invest in a hairbrush. She’s a Golden Globe-nominated actress for “Black Swan,” not a member of Justin Bieber’s entourage…Kunis insists on dressing like an unwashed teenage boy…As for that we-just-rolled-out-of-bed-because-we-are-so-in-love hair that she can’t seem to wash away, it’s time to start throwing it up into a messy top knot, quick side braid or pick up some dry shampoo to soak up some of that greasy mane.”
It’s just so great that SOMEONE stepped up to the plate to address this mess. This literal mess of a human being. I thought about doing it, but then I realized I’m just an average human being and not like a superhero.
Also one time I wore sweats to grab a bagel on a Saturday morning. It was 2010 and it was a mistake and it will never happen again. But I still wake up everyday and hate myself for it. So I didn’t feel quite right giving Mila advice. Who am I to talk? I’ll forever be known as that blogger who wore sweatpants in daylight IN NEW YORK CITY. That one move, that one stupid, lazy, fucked-up move DESTROYED all my hard work at being New York City chic, all those Sex and the City marathons down the drain. Everyone in high school was right, I’ll always be a Miranda.
But there’s still time for Mila Kunis to redeem herself. Not much, but just enough. So let’s bow our (washed) heads and pray together that she call pull it together enough to put on jeans today. Or at the very least, jeggings.