There’s a new celebrity dog in town, fellas, so get your courtin’ breeches on and come a-callin’. This new looker belongs to one Miley Cyrus, her name is Bean, and I dare you not to fall in love with her. Just look at that face. LOOK AT IT. Look at her big sad puppy eyes that know all you’ve ever done wrongly in the world. I can’t handle not looking at her for another second.
Luckily for me, this is Miley Cyrus we’re talking about, who only takes breaks from Twitter for momentary sips of air or water. She carries all of her possessions in a contraption very much like what Dick van Dyke wore as Bert in Mary Poppins, so that any time she needs something she can just reach down without taking her eyes or her thumbs off the screen of her phone.
So even though little Bean the wonderdog was only adopted about twenty-four hours ago, from Spot! Rescue Dogs, there are already plentiful pictures of her available to anyone who’d like to take a gander at the world’s newest celebrity dog before she knows she’s the world’s newest celebrity dog.
Because the thing is, once she finds out, she’s gonna start making us avoid direct eye contact with her, sort through her kibble and only leave in the red ones, and she’s definitely gonna break up with whatever boyfriend she had before she became ye olde famous dog. That’s just how these things go down. Trust me, I used to date Bo the Portuguese Water Dog before the Obamas went to live in the White House. P.S. I’m a standard poodle…don’t tell my editor.