Toddlers & Tiaras is one of those enthralling TLC gems, bringing joy and laughter and existential crises to home viewers each week. We get to watch tiny humans be made up and paraded around by their parents, and place bets on which kid will nab Ultimate Grand Supreme/which parent will end up on Dateline NBC.
Without Toddlers & Tiaras there would be no Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, so clearly the show is good for something. Although finding another pageant family as good Honey Boo Boo‘s (Mama June had me at “rub your belly for the judges, Alanna!”) is probably going to be a challenge for TLC, since getting that lucky is like stepping in golden unicorn shit and for some reason that doesn’t happen very often. Still, we do see other fine specimens on the show from time to time.
Take last night’s episode. There was 18-month-old baby Kendyl, who loves money and hitting people and wasn’t that special because all kids on Toddlers & Tiaras love money and hitting people. Also she couldn’t really talk, which made her boring. But her dad Matt? Worth watching.
This is mostly because his eyebrows are actually tattoos. This really blows my mind because up until last night I thought the only people with tattoos for eyebrows were those ladies who think permanent make-up is a good idea.
Matt is of course a tattoo artist, and a mechanic. Since you’re probably interested in his technical skill, you can watch him in action (tattooing Kendyl’s mom) in the clip below. He also explains his black-light, pageant themed neck tattoos (!!!). He’s still no Sugar Bear, but I appreciate Matt for representing the more alternative players in the pageant scene. May influence other alt dads to get tiara tattoos and, ya know, stuff like that.