It’s come to a point where American Horror Story has demonstrated so many glimmers of brilliance that I feel bad calling its moments of hilarity “unintentional.” This show is totally aware of how ridiculous it is! And yet, something about the title just works. So I will continue with this week’s episode, with the caveat that I now unabashedly love/fear this show like nothing else.
1. In response to Arden almost killing Kit, the aliens gave back pregnant Grace and made Pepper smart. Shouldn’t they have just killed Dr. Arden? He seems like the root of the problem.
2. The newly intelligent Pepper gets some good ones in on Dr. Arden, plus a bit of social commentary: “That’s how it works for us freaks, we get blamed for everything.” I feel she could’ve come up with a better insult for Sister Satan than “whore nun,” though. Slut-shaming is so last century.
3. Some people think the use of “I Put A Spell On You” is a hint that the next season of AHS will feature witches, to “which” I say: BRING IT ON.
4. “I admire your pluck, its a quality I hope you pass onto our child.” Each time someone taunts Lana about her unwanted rape pregnancy, the Republican party loses several members and John Boehner gets an inexplicable headache.
5. And now the Monsignor has been raped, too. By the devil. At least the show acknowledges this kind of thing can happen to both men and women.
6. “Does it feel like a warm wet hug?” Sister Mary Eunice never misses a chance to bring the second-rate porno dialogue to new heights.
7. The “Name Game” musical number with Jessica Lange is totally good enough to justify making us watch as various people hold her down and shock her. What will she sing the next time she gets tortured, “La Vie En Rose”?
8. Dr. Arden: “There is no us.” Um, remember when she tried to fuck you and you turned her down? It’s not like you didn’t have your chance, dude. Those sadistic Nazi mad scientists can be so emo about things. And I know he’s upset, but does he really need to take it out on the monstrous creatures he’s been hiding in the woods and feeding “missing” inmates to? Seems unfair.
9. The Monsignor realizes Sister Jude was right about everything, but he makes no effort to free her from Briarcliff? WTF?! “EPIC FAILURE” is right, bro.
10. “I’m gonna make all of your dreams come true.” Because being rape-married to a scary possessed nun is totally what Monsignor dreamed about when he first took his priest vows as a young man.
11. “I take both of you.” OH NO YOU DIDN’T, Angel Of
Steampunk Death. You can’t kill the devil. I’m calling it right now.
12. “I’m goddamn plucky, remember?” Way to turn that taunt back around on him, Lana.
13. There is no way Sister Mary (or at least the demon inside her) is not going to survive her death/cremation, but I’m not so sure about Dr. Arden. Let’s take a moment to remember his charming love of aliens, the Holocaust and unnecessary amputations.