• Thu, Jan 3 2013

Frank Ocean Pulled Over In His Car, Totes For Doing Something Gay

vma arrivals 080912Poor Frank Ocean. Ever since he came out as a homosexual man, he can’t seem to do anything normal anymore. He sings gay, he talks gay, he acts gay. All the things he used to do in his normal life that we’d feel absolutely no need to comment on, now he does them and we’re like, “Wow what a gay thing, that’s so gay, Frank Ocean is gay.” And that’s as it should be, because once you’ve done butt stuff with a guy, that overshadows any and all other accomplishments you might’ve had in your life, or thought you had — until you found out you were GAY. (Thankfully, I got a pamphlet in the mail when I was like fourteen that told me I was straight, and I’ve never looked back.)

So. Anyway. Frank Ocean was apparently detained on January 1st, for driving all gay and stuff. The official word is that he was speeding, but there are some pernicious, extremely-believable rumors that indicate he was up to some pretty homo stuff in the front seat at the same time. According to the extraordinarily well-sourced site Media Take Out:

MediaTakeOut.com just got word that yesterday police in Mammoth Lake, California pulled over Frank Ocean and a male companion in a car. Details are still sketchy but one source tells us that the police noticed what is being described as “suspicious behavior” by the men in the car.

Frank and the man were released after being briefly detained.

We’re working on getting OFFICIAL WORD on what police saw the two men doing in the car .. .

The details and caps are theirs, the skepticism is mine. Why can’t we just be open about what was going on in the car? These guys were definitely up to some nonsense, and it was probably something really gay…like coordinating outfits, or giving each other a civil union, or knowing all the words to a Madonna song. Something gross and homosexual like that. The only thing that’s really obvious to me is that Frank didn’t get pulled over just for speeding. Although in hindsight, the next time I’m really drunk, remind me to ask my gay friends how to ‘give someone a civil union’. Sounds kinky.

(Image: FayesVision / WENN.com)

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  • R.U. Serious III

    Wow… was this meant to be funny?

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I don’t understand the question.

    • Jenni

      Alexis r u serious right now? It’s a pretty obvious question.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Who is this? Where am I?

    • Jenni

      You’re Alexis Rhiannon and you’re the best writer at the The New York Times. Snap out of it. We have a newspaper to run.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Jenni, we made it!!!

  • Anon

    I usually love Crushable’s articles, but this was unfunny and tasteless.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I personally think it tastes pretty great. Like a Chipotle steak burrito bowl.

  • Kat

    This article is so ignorant!!!

    • AnaRoW

      I’m pretty sure the writer is being ironic.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Thanks, AnaRoW! You win a smile and a pile of candy.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I don’t know that word!!!

  • Gary

    This article looks like it was written by a 13 year old boy who is obsessed with calling everything gay.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Obvi I’m not thirteen because I already got my pamphlet when I was fourteen.

  • Anony-mouse

    HAHAHAHAHA!!! I can’t even take you seriously!! This is sooo hilarious, it feels like a 15 year old wrote this!

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Thank you, small mouse!

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/7MS5RIRYZAMCMA4ADBRYXKJNJU DK

    “for driving all gay and stuff.” hahaha, how old was the writer?

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      When she wrote this she was 25, but now today she’s still 25.

  • Sean

    I laughed. Great article

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Thanks, Sean!

  • CuntSniffa

    everyone says stuff like that then feels the need to say they’re straight. he is the first openly gay rapper I know of and that’s a contradiction of sorts but who cares, I think most rappers are gay they’re just in the closet, rappers commonly get puled over and busted for weed as well

  • hahahaha

    retarded ass article, hire some new bloggers i felt embarrassed for whoever wrote this, while reading it.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      But…your name is a laugh.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jake.hall.108 Jake Hall

    very tasteless and bias

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I know it is, but what am I?