Way back in 2012 we heard rumors that Twilight actor Bronson Pelletier publicly urinated in an airport. And not in the typical toilet way. More like in the drunken mess way. We immediately fell in love with him. There’s nothing quite as charming as an actor who refuses to take “Sir, SIR, THIS IS NOT A BATHROOM!” for an answer. If only we could all be so brave when it comes to relieving ourselves, maybe the world would be a better place. Maybe the bathroom lines would be shorter. Maybe, just maybe, someone would film our heroic actions like they did Bronson Pelletier and share them with the world.
That’s right, I said film. After weeks of waiting for this footage to emerge, we finally have the video of Bronson Pelletier peeing in an airport. It’s even better than you can imagine. Even if you’ve never heard of Bronson Pelletier, it’s better than you can imagine.
Unless you work at a penis manufacturing plant, it’s NSFW. So you’ll have to click here to actually watch it. But before you do, let me set the scene.
We’re at an airport. People are milling about. A man yells at an airline employee who won’t move him to an aisle seat. A strange version of “Call Me Maybe” plays in the background. A drunk man gets escorted through the airport by a security guard. All of a sudden the drunk man stops. Stumbles. Then like a Cirque Du Soleil performer auditioning for a Fifty Shades of Grey parody film, he whips out his penis and just starts peeing. In the middle of a terminal. FOR A LONG TIME.
Even more unbelievably the security guard doesn’t even try to stop him. Instead he puts his hand on his shoulder in an almost paternal gesture and just stands there while this all goes down. In a way, I think he’s proud. It’s not every security guard that gets to touch a D-list actor while he’s peeing in an airport. And it’s not every Twilight actor who can get so inebrriated at the airport that the thinks this is anywhere near socially acceptable.
Then the police arrive. Then this video gets released on TMZ and then Bronson Pelletier releases a statement that he’s going to get help. And then I google “home remedies to help actor who confuses airport carpeting for urinal.”
Happy 2013! I can already tell it will be a great year for poor actors making even poorer decisions!