The internet apparently has a bone to pick with Beyonce and Jay-Z, because they just voted ‘Blue Ivy’ as the worst celebrity baby name of 2012. Aw shit, ya’ll. Queen B is gonna send some kind of diva army to bust some kneecaps up, so if you’re one of the 2,000 members of BabyNames.com who voted for this, I’d suggest you lock your doors.
And now that I’ve locked mine…I guess I’m not the biggest fan of the name. Either name on its own would be cute, but together it sounds like a K-Mart perfume or a linen collection by a no-name designer. But think how cute just ‘Ivy’ would be. She’s a trendy little girl, and she can hang out with all the other celebrity plantlings like Violet Affleck, Iris Apatow, and Willow Smith. That would be super fun. That would be the fanciest young adult book club ever. I’m jealous I can’t be in it. Or if her name was just ‘Blue’, she wouldn’t be quite as trendy, but she could still hang out with other celebrity babies like Bear Blue and be bird-fed by his mom Alicia Silverstone. Life could still be pretty great. But instead her name is Blue Ivy, just like that catering company that her mom and dad made famous by trying to secure the sole rights to the name.
The winner of the dubious honor of worst celebrity boy baby name for 2012 was Lion, son of Alex O’Loughlin and Malia Jones, while the awards for best went to Charlotte Grace, (who is the daughter of Jenn Schefft and Joe Waterman…neither of whom I’ve ever heard of, and little Luca Cruz! The son of Hillary Duff and Mike Comrie, obvs. Welp, I think we’ve all spent enough time on this, now, although if there’s a more important topic in the world than celebrity baby names, I don’t know what it is.