We May Never Know Who Put This Baby In Kim Kardashian’s Belly…Unless We’re Not Idiots

Kim Kardashian rings in the New Year at 1 Oak Nightclub at The Mirage Resort and Casino Las Vegas, NVUgh, TMZ. My love/hate relationship with you has tilted so much more toward the hate side recently! You’ve got these tricksy little headlines that lure me into clicking them, and then the post itself has absolutely nothing to do with them and oh wait I do that too. But you do it more, so you should be ashamed of yourself!

I’m speaking of course of the recent TMZ headline “Kris Humphries Presumption Is…He’s The Daddy!!!” And yes, there were three exclamation points. Now naturally, I came running to the peephole of my little hobbit door and peered excitedly out. What’s going on out there in Hollywood? Kris Humphries thinks he’s the father of Kim Kardashian‘s baby with Kanye? This reads like a K-themed MadLib wet dream, and I couldn’t be happier. Because how could Kris seriously think he’s the father? He hasn’t been around Kim for over a year, unless we’re about to get word of some serious dalliances. Oh thank you TMZ for spicing up my Wednesday.

…and yet. It’s a post about the fact that by California state law, IF Kris Humphries wanted to make a claim for the baby, then THEORETICALLY he’d have a leg up on the competition because he and Kim are still married, and Kanye and Kim aren’t, and California presumes that the husband is the father unless other evidence is supplied. Okay so seriously? Kris isn’t even making a play for this baby, we’re just speculating on what MIGHT happen if he did? Based on a law? You gave me three exclamation points so you could explain a California state law??

Okay, sure. Sure, we’ll accept that this is journalism and that you’re reporting fact instead of whimsical theoreticals. So great, here we go: Herrrmmm hawwwww what a crazy world! Kris Humphries is gonna claim this baby is his! How will we ever be able to prove that it isn’t? OH WAIT KANYE IS STILL BLACK, RIGHT? AND KRIS IS WHITE? GREAT, THANKS. I’m sure you address that in your post, right TMZ?

Fact is … it wouldn’t be hard to prove, since Kris hasn’t gone near Kim for a long, long time … and it appears the baby was conceived while Kim and Kanye were in Rome 3 months ago.

Nonetheless, there is a rebuttable presumption in Kris’ favor, and Kim of all people should know a thing or two about re-butts.

 

Oh okay yes, that’s much smarter. So in this theoretical triple-exclamation point world you’ve created, where we’ll need incontrovertible evidence of the baby’s parentage in case Kris Humphries tries to claim it as his own and teach it to play basketball, we’ll just pull the kid out in six months and check whether or not it was conceived in Rome. The toga should be a dead giveaway.
(Image: DJDM / WENN.com)
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    • Shaunda Eppes

      Kris is mixed. His dad is black and mom is white.

    • Chelsea

      Kris Humphries isn’t white. Educate yourself before you say something like that, please. It was even on the two-part special of their fake wedding. His grandfather is Black. As an expectant mommy who happens to identify as a Black woman, my ancestry has European, African, and Native American (affiliated with a tribe) people all over the place, however, both my parents identify as Black. Even my mother who has similar features to Kris Humphries (light skin, fairly straight hair).

      Here’s a link that can give you some evidence to Kris Humphrie’s background. http://globalgrind.com/entertainment/kris-humphries-salary-ethnicity-and-parents-photos

      … My child’s father is Russian. However, that doesn’t mean that my child is any less Black, which is a culture based upon African ancestry. It’s really rude and insensitive to not consider someone’s identity when you say things like that.

      Also, you should explore Sandra Laing’s story. A film was made about her in 2008. Both her biological parents were white South African… and she came out about a medium-light brown with coarse hair… She’s Black. Here’s some info about her as well. http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/2003/mar/17/features11.g2

    • Di

      In this society, if you are anything mixed with black, you’re black, period.

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