So here’s the good news. Everyone’s already sick and tired of hearing about the Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Publici-baby. The bad news is that we’re going to have to keep hearing about it because that’s what’s written in the fine print of Kris Jenner’s PR pact with the devil. I apologize in advance for everything we’re going to have to share with you regarding this pregnancy over the next six-ish months. Seriously, I never in a million years believed my job would come to this. If I could go back in time and take my grandfather’s advice, I’d be a freelance gravedigger. But it’s obviously too late for that.
Based on Kim’s past relationship commitments (or lack thereof), we know she’s clinically unable to be involved with anyone for longer than 72 days. While I’m positive that Kris Jenner sat down with Kimye pre-pregnancy to run through all the benefits of a baby with them (Sketcher Shape-Ups for infants with fat thighs!), I’m pretty sure she “forgot” to mention that the process takes nine months. That’s like at least 73 days.
So naturally Kim’s getting antsy. Her sex tape didn’t take nearly this long. Also it didn’t make her fat. Blergh! And even though the Kimye baby’s going to make her richer than any tyrannical dictator who’s ever stolen from his own citizens to live a lavish lifestyle, She told Entertainment Tonight that pregnancy’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
She doesn’t have morning sickness, but Kim Kardashian says it’s a stretch to call her pregnancy pleasant.
“I wouldn’t say that it’s been easy,” the reality TV star told “Entertainment Tonight” at a New Year’s Eve party in Las Vegas Monday night.
“When people say pregnancy is fun and they love it, I would have to disagree,” she said. “It’s not as easy as people think. It is, you know, a little painful. There’s a lot of growing pains.”
Rumors that I overheard in the ladies restroom this morning lead me to believe that she’s already trying to offload this pregnancy on someone else. Kanye immediately refused because his skirts do NOT come in maternity sizes. Also because he hates babies. And Beyonce’s alleged surrogate refuses to return her calls. (As if she’d carry that baby. Everyone knows that womb comes with an illuminati only sign on front) So it certainly leaves poor Kimmy in a lurch — especially after Kris Humphries rebuffed her offer to throw the pregnancy into his divorce settlement in lieu of alimony.
What does all this mean?
Kim Kardashian might actually have to spend the next few months growing this baby in her very own belly. For the first time in her life, she might have to put someone else’s needs before her own.
Unless of course Bruce Jenner answers her prayers and surgically implants her uterus in his belly. It certainly wouldn’t be the strangest thing he’s done to his body.
(Photo: CPA, PacificCoastNews.com)