• Wed, Jan 2 2013

Brangelina Maybe Got Married On Christmas Day, Definitely Gifted Each Other Children

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You might be looking at a photograph of a married couple, ya’ll. Might be. MIGHT BE. Word is that notorious child-collectors Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie may have finally tied the knot on Christmas Day, at Donna Karan’s property in Turks and Caicos.

You know this honestly wouldn’t surprise me. Brad has been warning us for a while that it’ll be soon, and the Jolie-Pitt kids are so cool and mature that they’re totally over Christmas by now, so the fam needed a new reason to celebrate on the 25th. And what better way than with a secret party where everyone wears white and gives mouth kisses. (That’s a wedding, right? I understand the concept of a wedding.)

Young Master Bradley’s parents were staying with the family on the island, as were his brother and sister, so it was a perfect opportunity to get everyone together without attracting media attention or igniting marriage rumors like I’m totally not doing now. Donna Karan herself was not in attendance, which means I have no one to report the details of the wedding to me, since Zahara stopped returning my Snapchats. But I’m assuming that it was a pretty traditional wedding, with a large church and loud organ, and a baby lamb to carry the rings down the aisle. As marriage gifts, I have no doubt that the bride and groom each presented each other with a found object, most likely a nearby child. (Helpful note: if you ever need to summon one last minute at the Brangelina house, just hold out your hand and one will appear to eat free-trade diamonds out of it.) And since the wedding itself was already held at an exotic location, they’ll probably go somewhere like Detroit or Pittsburgh for their honeymoon instead of another boring beach.

Just thank god these two are finally married so they can start a family, amirite? Yeesh.

(Image: Adriana M. Barraza / WENN.com)

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