I think I would actually lose control of my bodily functions if Leonardo DiCaprio woke up one day and decided to take a woman of realistic height and build out to a mediocre dinner and a movie. Alas, that day has not come so I don’t need to stock up on Depends just yet. DiCaprio and his new bestie and Django Unchained co-star Jonah Hill just did what regular guys do on weekends: partied on a yacht in Australia with half-naked Amazons and hundred-dollar booze.
Apparently Leo was completely unfazed by the regalia of T & A, but Jonah Hill sat around, “shell-shocked.” Tell me about it, bro. Life is hard. The Daily Mail described the boat party as “the perfect boating trip” since the yacht was courtesy of the hotel Leo and Jonah are staying in. Um, Daily Mail? A “perfect boating trip” for most people is a $17 canoe rental at the nearest state park with a six-pack and a Subway sandwich ring. But you get an “A” for effort in trying to relate to your entire international audience.
While it’s unclear if the “gaggle of girls” (have I mentioned how much I love UK newspapers?) were invited more for Jonah’s benefit or Leo’s, the entire shindig appears to be a precursor to a big New Year’s Eve blowout.
How is it that Leonardo DiCaprio (who stole my heart in fourth grade with What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? and if that doesn’t sum up all of my issues in one sentence I don’t know what does) can be so eloquent on environmental matters, the love he has for his mother, the love he has for Kate Winslet, and then go and party like a frat boy with lingerie models?
Maybe I want him to be much deeper and more dimensional than he really is. But that’s what happens when you’re the Eponine to Leo’s Marius, I guess.