It looks like 2013 will be a groundbreaking year for television. Or one can only assume, after watching the introduction video for “All My Babies’ Mamas, Oxygen’s 2013 reality show about rapper Shawty Lo living in one house with his 10 baby mamas and 11 children. Oh and his 19-year-old girlfriend Ashlin, who happens to be the same age as three of his daughters. I’ll let Shawty Lo explain how it all went down.
Assuming you didn’t actually watch the whole thing here are the key points:
- I’m 99 percent certain he keeps Ashlin locked in the attic.
- Shawty Lo ponders his unfortunate and not at all self-inflicted plight: “How does a guy like me end up with 10 baby mamas and 11 kids?” After some deep introspection, he concludes, “It just happened.”
- His girlfriend, Ashlin, claims they are best friends and very in love, yet the only footage they seemed to be able to come up with of the two of them hanging out is her plucking his ear hairs and cutting his gnarly toenails.
- Another Ashlin moment: “I dont worry about Carlos cheating on me because i know he did in his past, so i know he’s pretty much over that phase.” Yes, the fact that he is a notorious cheater is evidence that he will not cheat on you.
- A moment of wisdom: “When I first heard Carlos has 10 baby mamas and 11 kids first thing I wanted to do is get myself checked, make sure I didn’t have any diseases. Thank God I didn’t.” And a miracle.
- Shawty Lo standing up for his women and asking one of the baby mamas, “You callin’ my girl anorexic?” She says yes. He says, “Ok.” I can totally see the whole knight in shining armor thing he’s got going there.
Oh but wait, lest the show completely debase women and humanity in general, Sujuan, the Ghetto Bougie Baby Mama (I did not make this up), may have something insightful to say.
“I just don’t like the term baby mama cuz I think it’s degrading.”
Alright, I hear you girl, go on.
“And if you just one of those people that just wanna be a baby mama cuz that’s what you was all out for just to get a check, that fine that’s you.”
Aw so you must have been really in love with Carlos huh? Another baby mama (First Baby Mama) asks, “So how do you refer to Carlos then?”