Hey, hey guys! Over here! Are you watching television this morning? Well neither is Kathy Lee Gifford, because she’s busy kissing a lady on it. Yup, you heard me correctly. Kathy Lee Gifford just locked lips with some biddy on live television. And no, it wasn’t Hoda. It all went down during a segment of of The Today Show called “Bobbie’s Buzz”. There’s Bobbie right there. She’s a real girl in the real world. With just a few sparkly stars on her eyelids, because it’s not after noon yet and she’s a lady. So. Bobbie was giving advice on how to get a great New Year’s look. She promised to teach us how to “spice up your look in a very PG way.” Okay, Bobbie, so you promise it will be PG? Okay. I believe you.
Then wicked Bobbie started talking about her special chapstick that she’d brought. It’s called KissStixx compatible chapstick, and the way it works is: ”Each person puts on compatible chapstick and then you kiss to create a chemistry reaction.” Ohhh Bobbie. Be careful. You’re on a morning show with the always erratic and gently-boozed Kathy Lee. Be careful whose ears you perk up.
But it’s already too late. Kathy Lee has caught the scent, and she’s putting on the chapstick, looking around at Hoda. Oh no you do not, Kathy! You do not put your lips on Hoda’s lips! And do you know why? Well, Hoda will tell you — “My career is not over…yet.” That’s right, everyone knows that once you kiss a lady on her lips, your career is ended, so turn your sights elsewhere, Kathy Lee!
And so she did. To precious Bobbi, who is not as famous as Kathy Lee or Hoda and thus had nowhere to turn for safety except into the warm embrace of Kathy Lee’s mouth curtains. And they both lived happily ever after. Amen.