There are few things I’m certain of in my own life, but there are two things I know for sure about Jennifer Aniston‘s: 1.) She loves skimpy bikinis and Mexico, and 2.) Her fiance Justin Theroux needs to lay off of the Just For Men hair/brow dye combo pack. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve seen my own nipples as often as I’ve seen Jennifer Aniston’s (Chelsea Handler would agree). That’s not to say I don’t enjoy seeing her nipples; I can appreciate a nice pair as much as the next person. I just don’t think she knows that bras and bathing suits can come with a little padding.
Here at Crushable, we’ve speculated that perhaps Ms. Aniston is contractually obligated to prance around Mexican beaches in bikinis a few times per year. Then again if I had her body, I’d probably spend three-quarters of my life on a nude beach, so I can’t really blame her. I’m just saying that I spent a lot of time over Christmas watching Friends reruns and her blinkers are never off.
She and fiance Justin Theroux were spotted vacationing in Los Cabos yet again this week, in all of their nipply, black hair dye glory, completely sans baby bump. The nerve! Maybe she prances around Mexican beaches so much to let us all know that even though she’s been engaged for months, she’s not knocked up yet. She just likes to break our hearts over and over again, doesn’t she? Maybe if she wasn’t marrying Vaughn from Sex & The City we’d have a beautiful, bouncing baby Aniston by now! We know all about his shortcomings, don’t we? There’s a reason he’s Carrie Bradshaw‘s ex, Jen!
I digress. If you’ll excuse me, I can’t decide if I’m going to use these beach photos of Jennifer Aniston as inspiration for my New Year’s Resolution or sit on the couch and watch every season of Sex & The City all day.